Watching any Olympic event generally amazes me-how do they do that?! It doesn't matter to me if someone comes in first, last, or falls and is disqualified; each one is incredibly talented. I do think what fascinates me so much, though, is those who DO fall, get back up, and finish the race-whatever that race may be. These heart-touching stories happen during every Olympics-not just this current series. As I watch a figure skater bobble or wipe out completely, I ask myself, "How do they go on? Could I do that? Could I fall and get back up as if nothing happened, to finish the event?" What about the athletes who completely fail in one event, but have to come back to complete in yet another one? What goes through their minds? My heart aches for them, and my spirit is so encouraged by them. These are people who have disciplined themselves to do whatever it takes to be successful and effective in what they believe their purpose is. Now I may or may not agree with their regimens of discipline or with other life choices that they make, but I most certainly respect their commitment to follow through until the job is done. Not only do these Olympic competitors prepare well, but they willingly take the huge risk of 'failing' in such a public, world wide way! Would I be as willing to be that vulnerable-simply to be able to possibly win a medal?

I would like to think that for each of the Olympians, winning a medal is NOT about winning a medal. Rather, it is about achieving their most excellent best-something that does not come overnight, but over time. The medal represents all of the sacrifice, hard work, discipline, heartache, hurts and injuries that each has endured because they know they MUST. And they do it without any guarantee of any prize. Please know that I am not making any of them out to be superhuman, or even a good person-merely based upon their accomplishments. Being a good person of good character can only be determined by what's in one's heart, mind, and soul-places into which we cannot see. However, one's actions, behaviors, and accomplishments can give us deep insight into one's character. These things are how one's character is manifested-or how character, or the lack of character, 'shows up'. But aside from any 'character' issue, I have much to learn from these competitors. They cannot do what they do without a deep sense of commitment, devotion, loyalty, self-sacrifice, and just plain hard work. I would like to believe that the proverbial carrot that dangles in front of their noses is one of intrinsic personal excellence rather than only the possibility of an extrinsic reward. Why do they do what they do-over and over, fall after fall, loss after loss, injury after injury? I would need to ask each one of them to know for sure. The inspiration I get from them is to never give up when I am doing what has been placed in front of me to do. Whatever age I am and in whatever stage of life I find myself, can I be committed to the tasks at hand? Will I run my race and finish my course, regardless of how it feels, how uncomfortable it might get, or how many times I might stumble, fall, or even fail? Will I choose to continually trust my heavenly Father-the 'Coach' who has designed my course-to enable and to equip me to finish well? I believe as I continue to discipline myself in following my Coach and His ways, He will continue to fulfill the purposes that He has put into me. And I am only ONE of His many team members. YOU are another-and He will do the same for you! Talk with Him; tell Him what is on your mind and in your heart; ask Him questions-simple and hard; ask for His guidance; take time to listen as He coaches you through your personal Olympic events.

".let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

-Hebrews 12:1-3

Be encouraged!!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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Just when I think I can't do one more day of substitute teaching, something happens that reminds of why I do what I do. Currently I am doing a long-term position in one of the resource rooms. If you don't know what that is, it is the room that caters to the 'special needs' students; formerly known as 'mentally retarded/developmentally disabled' (MRDD); formerly known as some other acronym before that one; and I'm quite sure there have been other equally confusing acronyms. Presently the room I am in is known as 'PRRB' (primary resource room b-I have no idea what the 'b' stands for). The label changes happen over time due to negative connotations that become associated with the particular name. This kind of thing happens all the time in many areas. And believe me-it can get ridiculous. When children are divided into small groups, they are not called 'A' group, 'B' group, and 'C' group. Oh no-that could make a 'C' group child feel like they are just not as good as an 'A' group child, even though the letter names are simply used as a way of labeling the groups-NOT the abilities. So, we might give them names of animals instead. 'Bears', 'Turtles', and 'Rabbits'. Wait a minute-that's not going to work either. The 'Turtles' will think they are SLOWER than the other two groups. See what I mean? I've often thought, can't we just come up with names and not read anything into them. The kids don't seem to pay any attention as to whether they are 'A, B, C' or 'X, Y, Z'. But I digress.

Getting back to my classroom-you can rename this class all you want; load it down with initials, but it won't matter. The students will always know that they are 'different'. There is something about them that doesn't 'fit' into the other classes-and that knowledge does not come from the label on the classroom door.

Today I was working with my second and third graders while my first graders were at recess with the 'regular' two first grade classes. When they returned, Tyler was in tears (he's very tender hearted.) As he wiped his eyes and nose with his handkerchief (yes, you read that right-sweet little cotton handkerchief), he sputtered words which I knew I needed to attempt to understand and interpret. I stopped what I was doing with the rest of the class, and we listened to Tyler. Long story short-he never got chosen to be 'it' in the game. I talked with him and with the class about how disappointing that can be and how much that can hurt; but we do need to remember that we will probably not be chosen when we want to be, and it really is not up to us. We share, take turns, blah, blah, blah. It will happen. We need to be good team players no matter what. Well-then the rest of the class shared that 'no', it will not happen. They never get chosen by the students. When they shared this, they didn't share it with anger, bitterness, or even sadness. They shared it as if they simply accepted it as 'the way it is-normal'. My heart broke for them. I didn't want to dishonor their schoolmates-especially not having experienced any of this first hand, so I talked with them about the possibility that the children were not being mean or intentional about not choosing them. Could it be that the children simply don't think about choosing them because they are not around my students much during the day? Could it be that it has nothing to do with 'liking them or NOT liking them'? Yes, they agreed with my ideas. I did too! I firmly want to believe that while, yes, there are some students who intentionally and deliberately mistreat and bully others; most DON'T. We also talked about really being aware of how it feels when you believe you have been left out, mistreated, bullied, etc-whether or not it is intentional. Use those feelings to remind you NOT to treat others in that same way.

In the midst of this chit-chat, they also shared that when they are chosen to do anything, they are chosen last. I could tell that was a bummer to all of them, and they really don't see any possibility of change. I sat myself down on one of the desks-felt like I was closer to them-and said, "Do you know what the Bible tells us?" And then I paraphrased (very loosely I am sure, but I just wanted them to get it!!), "God tells us that if you feel like you are always last, someday He is going to make you FIRST! Isn't that good news?!" Wow-the smiles, the light in their eyes, and even a renewed sense of 'okay, let's get back to work now!' was priceless. I just wanted to cry-and hug them-and kiss them-and take them all home with me. (Okay, honestly-I'd want to return them a few minutes later! Not because of who they are, but just because I'm TIRED at the end of the school day!!)

I felt energized-by them-by their sweet honesty and vulnerability. I felt energized-by God-as He equipped me to give them what they needed in such a moment. I hope I never get so bogged down by the 'paper pushing predicament' of being a school teacher nowadays, that I ignore-or don't even notice-those teachable moments that build into a child's character and wisdom; and then take full advantage of them. "Thank You, Lord, for giving me Your gentle reminder of why I do what I do. Please, please, please help me to LOVE these children as You do. Help me, no matter HOW I am feeling, to treat each day as an opportunity to invest in them rather than to simply be in the classroom with them."

Thanks for allowing me to share my experience. You are most gracious for reading about it!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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Making corrections-don't you just hate that?! It can seem so time consuming. I do substitute teaching, and one of the things I tell the students (okay, maybe I nag them) is that one of the best ways to learn is to learn how to make 'intentional' corrections. Having to correct one's mistakes is often a way of 'cementing' what is right instead of simply leaving it wrong and hoping you remember to get it right the next time. I deal with making corrections daily in many areas but one in particular is with my insulin pump.

When I first received the pump I immediately developed a 'love/hate' relationship with it. I loved the fact that I would (hopefully) have better control over type 1 diabetes, but I hated the fact that I needed to have the pump at all. I am dependent upon it doing what it was designed to do, and I truly am thankful for the genius minds that developed such technology! One of the great advantages of the pump is that it has a 'correction' button...isn't that GREAT! When my blood glucose level is too high, all I have to do is enter the level into the pump, push the correction button, and TA-DA!!-the pump releases just the right amount of insulin to make the adjustment.

Wow, can you imagine if 'life' had correction buttons that worked that way?! You spent more than your paycheck - push that correction button, and your cash flow just increased. You accidentally ran out of gas (how does anyone 'accidentally' run out of gas anyway?) - push the magic button, and fresh fuel flows into your gas tank. You accidentally eat an entire bag of potato chips (YES, it is possible to do that 'accidentally', I am quite sure!) - press that button, and the correct number of calories to be burned is immediately extracted from your body! How about if you verbally spouted off some of that toxic waste about which Missy blogged - push the correction button, and those words of poison are turned into words of wisdom. This imaginary list of possibilities is endless!!

But here's the rub of reality: If I only rely on pushing that correction button on my insulin pump WITHOUT disciplining myself to make the necessary lifestyle changes so that I don't need to press that button so often, it won't take long before my entire body is in trouble. Relying on external corrections without making necessary internal changes is what I would call 'couch potato corrections '- and it's not very smart. It can even be dangerous. With diabetes, that kind of mentality can lead to problems that sneak up on me - little by little; maybe even without much notice until the complications become overwhelming and even irreversible. If I choose to see the correction button as a 'quick fix' instead of a chastisement that compels me to make a change in ME rather than in my insulin pump alone, then all I will eventually accomplish is ignoring what is really happening inside my body to the extent that it could be a very present danger. Hmmm - not much different than other 'quick fixes'.

Let's take a look at some possibilities. Spending more than your paycheck? Quick fix - simply use a credit card to 'buy' you more time. Bad idea - been there, done that, still paying for it! Is habitual gluttony or unhealthy food choices a problem? Quick fix - enjoy it, and then do some extra exercise! Okay, you might feel justified on the outside, but even with exercise, the ongoing problem of gluttony/unhealthy food choices causes internal problems which will still sneak up on you. Whatever the area is that begs for correction, without the necessary accompanying internal changes, we are destined to suffer the consequences. Recognizing and admitting areas in need of correction is a great place to begin. That is the 'external'. However, all of this must be accompanied by an ongoing and intentional process of repentance - which literally means to turn and go the other way. That is the 'internal'. I need to CHOOSE to turn away from foods that negatively affect me. I need to CHOOSE to exercise properly. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Here's a cool thought - wouldn't it be nice if Jesus functioned as our 'correction button'? WOW!! He does - and He doesn't! He brings ultimate correction to us by the forgiving of our sins and by His work of cleansing us from ALL unrighteousness. He is truly the only One who can do all of that. But, if He made the ongoing, daily corrections in us without our active participation and cooperation - as if He were waving a magic wand, what would we learn? How would we truly mature? Most importantly - how would we become more Christ-like? All of that would simply be 'couch potato corrections' - unhealthy! Dealing well with tough situations that require corrections is really an EASY choice - yes, an easy choice with perhaps difficult and disciplined follow-up. The 'choice' itself can certainly be easy. It's the work that goes along with that choice that is the hard part! As with anything though, the more we work at it, the easier it becomes - and the stronger we become. When we choose to do the work, then we are truly making corrections that will stick, because we are making them from the inside out.

So, I am going to choose well; and I am going to start-tomorrow!! (Just kidding!)

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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Recently there has been much written on this website about STUFF-trash, messes, clutter, etc. At the risk of sounding repetitive, I am going to go there again. Lately it feels as if I am continually dumping-stuff out of closets, nooks, and crannies; trash receptacles; the compost bucket; litter boxes; my kids-oops, I think I will keep them! This morning I (finally) emptied the compost bucket that is kept under the sink. (I dump it into a bigger composting bin outside.) When I first began composting, I didn't know much about it at all (still don't!). At that time, I neglected to turn the materials and just let it all sit in the bin-unattended. It didn't compost-it just attracted all kinds of small, living, unattractive things; and it smelled like-like the bad waste that it had become.

Well, it was absolutely amazing the difference when I attended to that 'waste' properly, and-'presto-change-o'-dark, rich, nutrient-filled compost appeared. Of course this didn't happen overnight; it takes time to create good compost out of what we would naturally call 'waste'. It also takes attention from the one who desires to have the compost. There needs to be the right balance of moisture, light/darkness, and stirring it all around. As I was doing the kitchen waste dumping this morning, I felt so glad that Jesus pays that kind of necessary attention to me. I can allow myself to be filled to the brim with waste; and He is so ready, willing, and able to sort through it all, add what is needed, mix it all up, and be patient with me while the 'composting' process is at work. Wow-the thought of God Almighty being patient with ME is amazing; but He knows His desired end result. He desires to continually be at work in me to 'presto-change-o' me into one who will be a richly spirit-filled vessel who will bring Him honor and glory in all I do.

He never sees any of us as 'waste'-at least not the way we tend to see waste. He sees us as His children, created in His image; and He desires to conform us into His likeness-having us possess the fruit of His Holy Spirit as we allow Him to turn our 'waste' into His 'holy compost'; able to be used to do beautiful things! He doesn't throw us away; He transforms us-no matter how stinky and wasteful we have allowed ourselves to become. He is patient and kind in the process; but don't let that cause you to believe the process won't hurt. Remember, the proper balance of waste materials needs to be turned, mixed up, agitated-and not just once! God knows under what conditions we will best be formed to His image. I pray that I-we-will allow Him to have His way as He patiently and lovingly 'composts' us, and then 'spreads' us around to do His wonderful work!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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As I walked past my son's bedroom door, my peripheral vision revealed a very pleasant surprise-he had actually made his bed without being asked, poked, or prodded! I quickly found him downstairs and thanked him. I didn't thank him for actually making the bed; rather for making it of what appeared to be his own initiative. Ahhh, there is hope for this wonderful young man! BUT WAIT!! Upon further investigation (okay, I wasn't really investigating-I simply needed to go into his room to retrieve something), my peripheral vision again caught sight of something a bit more revealing-a part of his bedding that beckoned me to go 'undercover'. And so I did. I looked past the carefully arranged top pillows and stuffed guitar, and lifted the edge of the comforter on his finely frocked bed. What did I see? A MESS!! My son had literally taken his comforter and carefully spread it over his sheets and blanket without straightening up any of them. It looked as if he simply jumped out of bed and manipulated that comforter in a way that would look as if he had successfully made his bed. This all took probably about 15 seconds to do I'm guessing. My initial reaction was kind of a mock horror mixed with humor at his 'creative' attempt at completing a task.

I laughed.

Then I didn't laugh.

I found myself wondering what was going through his mind as he was making his bed. (Of course, whatever it was could have only lasted for those 15 seconds I mentioned earlier-not much time for intentional strategy!) Next I found myself thinking about the very real possibility that he actually thought he had completed his task successfully-the finished product was good enough to pass Mom's quality control. The other possibility for his bed-making bedlam was 'deceit'. Ouch! Was it possible that he made the outside appearance of his bed look good enough to fool me into believing that the inside-or what was 'undercover'-was in good enough shape as well? I didn't want to think that he would even be capable of that motive. Well-while I am quite sure he IS capable of that motive (after all, he still contains some human nature within!), it turns out that he simply believed he had made his bed quite successfully. (I wish I could have been there watching him do the job-or maybe not!) To him, there was no ulterior motive, hidden agenda, or deceit-he was just making his bed.

This did get me thinking though about outward appearances versus what's 'undercover'. It does feel good and even 'right' to know that our outward appearances are well tended and groomed. We have spent an appropriate amount of time and energy to accomplish a certain 'look'. But what is lurking beneath the surface-the 'heart'? Do we spend the appropriate amount of time and energy to nurture good character, emotional stability, and a healthy spirit by spending time with THE heart specialist-God Himself? Oh, how I know that I am in great need of evaluating this in my life so often! I also know that if I don't evaluate this area, I will easily be deceived into believing that a 'successful' outward appearance is sufficient-functioning as a well placed comforter over the mess of what is hidden underneath. I need to learn a lesson from observing my son's bed-making effort-each time I tend to the outside (that of my appearance), I need to ask myself if I have adequately tended to the inside (that of my heart). I am truly thankful that it is God Himself who tends to any 'messiness' that lurks within me. He is the only One who can sufficiently clean it up!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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I really do love to look at Christmas decorations-AFTER they have all been finely arranged. And that is usually in someone else's home! I do put up decorations each year; although each year I say I will NOT do any decorating-yeah, right. Truth be told, I really do love pulling out the decorations from underneath the basement steps. It actually motivates me to clean under there-mostly remainders of small crawling things. Sorting through each container is like stepping back in time-each piece has a memory associated with it. I need to force myself to stay on task so I don't end up with STUFF strewn everywhere. Oh wait. When I am DONE decorating, I do have STUFF STREWN EVERYWHERE! But it is a joyful 'strewn'-and meaningful to my family anyway.

If visitors would openly express their invisible thought bubbles above their heads, I might hear comments such as, "What was she thinking?" and, "I can't believe she kept THAT!" or maybe, "WHAT IS THAT?!" (Put the emphasis on any of those three words; it all works.) I must confess, most of my decorations are an eclectic collection of my children's works of 'art'-beginning many years ago. I simply will not get rid of it. Each item has a sweet story to tell and holds a piece of my heart. Although there are many items my kids (do you still call them 'kids' when they are long ago all grown up?) would be happy if I pitched, they also admit that pulling out those same decorations year after year-while laughing and wondering, "What WERE we thinking?"-is just one of the precious elements of the Christmas season. Most of the other decorative items that are not gifts from them, or from someone else, are 'gifts' from garage sales. It doesn't seem to matter though. We all love when it all gets set in its special ordained place. I think it must have something to do with 'familiarity'. Familiarity feels safe.

As I think back to my childhood, I realize how safe and friendly 'familiarity' felt to me. Each Christmas season brought out the SAME decorations, and traditions, in that family of mine. Mom put on her "Firestone" Christmas album collection-vinyl on the Hi-Fi. (Does ANYBODY know what I am talking about?!) The REAL tree would be brought in. Dad would string the lights-excuse me; we called them 'bulbs' back then. They were BIG! Then, it was his self-appointed labor of love to hang four ornaments-each identical to the other-way at the top of the tree. They were exquisite looking-at least in my young eyes. Mom would pull out the advent wreath and place it on the round coffee table (as it was called way back when). After all of us children (eventually, there were nine of us!) finished hanging the ornaments, it was time for those classic ICICLES. Yes, those silver, shimmery strands of-TEDIOUSNESS! My parents always instructed us (as if we could ever forget!) to HANG THEM ONE AT A TIME! I did find a way to hang two or three at a time without getting caught. Okay-I'm quite sure they really did know; they just chose not to engage in that battle.

During the holiday season it was my dad who spent days baking delightful cookies. He would carefully place each kind in a freezer container and build up the supply over time. All of us kids found a way to sneak an occasional cookie by taking one out of the back of the container. Well, duh; of course Dad discovered our antics when he opened the containers to find the back half of the container empty. I don't remember him being upset by that. I do remember him experimenting with recipes. Now that I think about it, I don't even remember him using recipes! That would explain some things. Seriously, ALL of his cookie creations were fantastic. His cobblers were a different story. Maybe I'll write about them another time. Let's just say they seemed to share some of the same characteristics as the wheat paste that we used for paper mache projects.

So many memories; so much familiarity; and I thank God for ALL of it-even the stuff that may not have been so pleasant. The other day when one of my students asked me what I did "last night", I told him, "I called my mom; then I called my dad." My words hit me in a whole new way. It used to be, "I called my mom and dad", because they lived together. Not any more. Mom continues to journey deeper into the unknown realm of dementia (I'm afraid to even ask her if she knows who I am-don't really want to know the answer if it's not the 'right' one!). She seems content in her assisted living surroundings-who really knows? Dad just moved into a different house; one I have yet to see. There will be no more family gatherings in that big, oh so familiar house. There will be no more setting up of the family tree. Yes, even though I have been out of their home for 30+ years, some of those early childhood traditions continued in their home.

It can be quite difficult to transition into 'new traditions' when we simply want to hang on to the 'used to be's'. Change is inevitable. So-when faced with change, face it with the 'unchanging One'-God. Change will never surprise Him. He will never wring His hands and say, "I didn't know THAT was going to happen!" He is in control of all change, and He delights in guiding us through the 'newness' of it. So, as I continue to decorate with what is near and dear to my heart-the old and familiar!-I will also continue to seek His face and hold His hand as I will surely need to continue to journey into the unfamiliar.

"Sweet Lord, I thank You that everything is completely familiar to You; nothing surprises You. You make me ready for whatever You have planned. Please help me to be ready and willing to go 'there' with You."

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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"I was about to be found-by my circle of friends." Let's pick up the story here. During this hard place, Beth (not knowing anything specific about what was hiding in me) would check in with me with her usual dose of encouragement and some hard questions (only one of the reasons why I love her!).

I responded with positive 'tip of the iceberg' answers while keeping the massive, dangerous, hidden part of the iceberg quiet. Then Lisa and I began to talk about some 'stuff'. Uh oh-I was letting more of the iceberg show. Okay, that's enough of that. Cover it all back up and move on. Leave the sleeping giants alone. Then, recently I was with a group of girlfriends. Business as usual. I looked at the clock and said to myself, "I'm outa here in five minutes."

Then Tammy spoke. It went something like this, "Before I leave I feel like I need to ask, (then she looks across the table right into my eyes. Honestly, I began to shake before she said another word. What is going on here?!) how are you, Libby?" With those four unassuming and simple words, I began to come undone. I held myself together-somewhat. I immediately thought to myself, "There are, like, FIVE other women at this table. WHY ME?" Then, out loud, I responded with "I'm fine-really." (Flash a fake smile.)

Then something happened. I'll describe it like this-it was as if I began to have a fight with myself. I said to my friends, "No, I'm not fine-I'm a mess; but it's okay-really." "I can't talk about it now; can't talk about it here." "Blah, blah, blah-" Do you know what those ladies did? They had the guts to say things like, "No, I really believe this is something you need to do now." They believed that God was zeroing in on me. I was really taken aback. I thought I had heard wrong, but I hadn't. They were not going to let me go. The evening was getting late; I was concerned about taking too much of their time with my 'stuff' ('stuff' I didn't even understand or WANT to divulge to anybody), and they were, all of a sudden, acting like 'macho-men'-pinning me down. These sweet, gentle girlfriends became stern and firm! I broke before them, and as they questioned me about my 'stuff', I began to just let it all roll out. Feelings, questions, confusion-me, me, me-the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly!

But they wanted to hear it all; they wanted to rid me of the sleeping giants inside of me-for good. No more hiding-spill it and slay it! After I cried and shared and cried some more-lots more, Tammy began to approach me, praying as she came. Then Beth put one arm around me and held my hand in hers. Then I felt the warmth of Peg and Dee Ann and Missy. From behind me Lisa began to massage my aching neck (she didn't even know it was aching!). The prayers of others continued-all on my behalf. How humbling is that? I have always known that these women love me; but now I felt as if THEY were desperate for me to REALLY believe it. They were desperate for me to EMBRACE not only their love, but the love of Papa God as well. (Thank you, dear Jocelyn, for teaching me the importance of 'embracing' something rather that merely 'appreciating' it!)

God showed up-and showed OFF-big time-for me. And how humbling is that?! I knew that He would-in His time and in His way. This was just so unexpected-and so necessary. There is so much more I could share about this precious time together-and about the awesome ways God continued to speak to me into the wee hours of the morning. I will say that God had been putting these pieces together for a long time. I can look back and see Him ever so clearly now. He was just waiting for me to receive what He was eager to give-all of Himself to all of me.

I told my sweet, gentle, stern, firm, and beautiful girlfriends to try to picture this: what happened to me began with God at His Throne of Grace, then tumbled through the lips of Tammy, and was poured on me like healing anointing oil by the rest of the ladies. I need them so much and am so thankful for my circle of friends. Lord, please help me to NEVER hide like I had-ever again. Should I choose to hide, may it only be in a child's game of "Hide and Seek". Are you 'hiding'? Please, please-come out, come out wherever you are. Call us-write to us. We are desperate for you to be 'found', dear friend.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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Do you remember playing "Hide and Seek"? Oh how I loved to be the LAST one to be found. Reflecting back to those times, now I kind of think it was a challenge that I took way too seriously! Those were great times.,,great memories!

Recently I discovered I had been playing "Hide and Seek" once again, only this time it was the 'grown-up' version...much different. I was hiding, and the really interesting part is that I didn't even know it. Okay.maybe I did. Yeah.I did. For quite some time I had been struggling with.ME. Who am I - really? What is my purpose? Do I really know God? Am I a fraud? Where are You, God? HELP!!

That was (and sometimes still is) my 'life on the inside'. 'Life on the outside', however, went along as 'normal'. Click, click, click...well-oiled machine. I knew I was closing in on real desperation when certain actions from others would trigger sleeping sensitivities inside of me. My gut would start churning. I would begin to feel flushed. Then the awful feelings of jealousy (ouch), insecurity (double ouch), and even anger and bitterness would begin to awaken. I would tell myself that all of what I was feeling was very real, but very hurtful.both to myself and potentially to others. So, I would rock all of those hurting places inside of me back to sleep and pray they would never wake up.

How ridiculous. I really think I was experiencing both a sense of desperately wanting to DO the right thing - to be humble and meek, while also being too proud to reveal the extent of my hidden places to anyone. I began to cry out to God - complete with real tears. I don't even know how long this continued. I don't remember the beginning, and I certainly couldn't see a happy ending in sight. It just began to feel as if this was going to be 'the rest of my life' - one big yucky ash heap that I would attempt to cover with anything that appeared to be good and beautiful. It might look nice, but it was still just useless trash underneath it all! I felt 'doomed' when I realized that I couldn't even genuinely weep with those who weep or rejoice with those who rejoice. I was making life all about me-and I hated it. Even crying out to God felt selfish-me, me, me, me! Whatever.

I must say that throughout this entire ordeal, I maintained a deep and unique sense of joy and even peace. I know that might sound wacky and impossible, but I truly think it was that joy and peace that kept me grounded and hanging on to nothing but God - even when I felt nothing of His presence. During this time I began to feel so unworthy and even deserving of His abandonment. But also during this time I knew that I knew that I knew He would NEVER leave me. I didn't need to 'feel' His presence to know that He was with me. My faith was bruised and shaken, but still intact. I knew that I would never leave Him. Oh how I longed to just be okay again. No - I longed to be way more than just 'okay'... I desperately wanted to be what Jesus created me to be, and I wanted to be it so excellently... I just didn't know what to do next. So.I kept on hiding. I knew I wasn't hiding from God; I was simply hiding from the people who mattered so much to me. Little did I know I was about to be found - by my circle of friends. To be continued...

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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Are you ready to travel home with me? Remember.I arrived home with thousands of family photos just waiting to be identified, labeled, organized, and placed into albums for the sake of 'family legacy'.ugh. Where do I begin? For starters I need to at least get the pictures out of the van. (However, we borrowed the van from Beth and Brian.maybe I should have left the pictures in the van, and THEY could have taken on this project. Beth is capable of coming up with some very fun captions!!) Well, the pictures came out and immediately went down to my basement. I placed them in a well organized pile.out of the way.because I really didn't know if or when I would even attempt this 'labor of love'. I actually surprised myself by digging into it right away. My one big organized pile became many littler semi-organized piles as I sorted and tossed.sorted and tossed. Time passed so quickly, and I found myself so absorbed in both the task and in my past.not just my past with my nuclear family of origin, but the past of my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends.wow. As I looked through photos, I remembered the sounds of voices and laughter; the sweet scents of individuals; even the movements unique to each person. I became aware of my pattern of sorting. I found myself examining each person in each picture to find the best representation of that person and event. I wanted to keep the pictures that made the people in them look their best. I looked at the backgrounds in each picture. Which were the most flattering?

I remember coming across pictures of one Christmas in my Grandma's home. I was shocked by what I saw. Was it the Christmas decorations? Was it yet another Christmas miracle? The inside of the house looked amazing and clean! You've got to know.my grandmother was one of the sweetest, nicest, most beautiful women I have ever known. Even my dad says she was the best person he had ever met.and he was describing his mother-in-law!! However, housekeeping was not her gift.cooking, baking, taking care of people.that was what she was all about. So when I saw these pictures, I was delighted. Her home looked so beautiful.just like my grandma. I kept those pictures.

So, in my method of sorting and choosing pictures, am I in denial? Am I only keeping the best because I don't want to think about the worst? Am I attempting to re-create memories to be much more amiable and palatable? Do I sound like the writer of Chronicles? Oh yes.back to the books of Chronicles. God inspired the writer of Chronicles to write to the nation of Israel to remind the people of just where their help and hope comes from.God Himself. Remember my comments about the deeds of Kings David and Solomon? I don't believe the writer left out their 'indiscretions' (SIN!!) because he was in denial or because of any negative motive. No, I believe the writer intentionally focused on the positive attributes of David and Solomon because he knew that God had chosen and anointed them to be kings, and the Chronicles were 'articles' that were passed down throughout the generations to be read as a legacy for future generations. The writer's words are words of HONOR and DIGNITY, HOPE and HELP. The writer chose to HONOR these men chosen by God instead of airing their 'dirty laundry' for future generations to ponder each time they would pick up their copy of the Chronicles to read.

Somewhere along the way, during my reading of the Chronicles and my sorting of family photos, I made this cool connection. No matter how many dysfunctions my family may have been 'blessed' with, I am truly blessed to be a part of it all, and a part of them. I am blessed that God has allowed me to see each of them as 'chosen' by Him. As I have gazed at each picture, I have fallen in love all over again with my extended family. No matter what, I will choose to honor them with each chosen picture. I want to join the writer of the Chronicles when passing something on as a legacy. I will do so with the intent of honoring one another.

Thanks for traveling with me.both through a bit of the Chronicles and down a bit of my family's memory lane.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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I am finishing reading the book of II Chronicles in the Bible, and have re-discovered something interesting. The writer speaks very highly of a couple of kings. It's as if these two men had a spotless record. I am most impressed.except that I had finished reading the books of 1^st and 2^nd Kings not long before, and found that the accounts there told a bit of a different story. Okay, not really different. - just more detail that is simply not found in the Chronicles. Kings David and Solomon.father and son; far from perfect, but chosen by God. As I read more about them, I find myself loving them even more - maybe because of their humanity and imperfections. I also find myself more in love with God.their God and my God.one and the same. Beautiful God Who loves us and chooses us in spite of our imperfections and--call it what it is--sin. Beautiful God Who works with us and changes us to become more of what He created us to be.

So what about the writer of Chronicles? Was he in denial of the weaknesses and sin of these two precious and chosen kings? Was he not willing to confront their sinful behavior and speak about it in Scripture? Did he not see the pink elephant in the living room? Maybe he did see it - and attempted to sweep it under the carpet. So, what's going on here anyway?

Travel with me.

I'm taking you to Missouri for a family reunion. I went with really no expectations, knowing that the only direction was up.hopefully! Don't get me wrong.I love, love, love my family, and we truly love to get together. Like a lot of families though, there is more than enough dysfunction to go around. Earlier in the year my father had asked me if I would be willing to take all of his and my mom's family pictures that had accumulated over the years - many years. His desire was that I would weed through them, organize, label, and assemble them in albums that would serve as a legacy for us and for future generations. Outwardly, I replied with love - "of course I will". Inwardly, I was breaking out in hives.knowing the potential magnitude of this task. (My dad made it clear to me that I certainly did not need to do this task at all. He did not want to create an unnecessary burden for me.) Seriously, we are talking about thousands of pictures - most of which are not labeled or organized in any conceivable way. My husband (most graciously) and I loaded them into the vehicle (hoping we would still have room for our luggage that would be nice to bring back home with us!), and we all headed on to the reunion.

Wow - expectations met and exceeded.highly! All during this family time, I found myself looking at my extended family members with an even deeper sense of love and gratitude. I know this was due to many factors, one of them being the fact that I had looked through many of those family photos before we had packed them up. Those photos brought back all kinds of memories - both beautiful and some not so kind. But the 'pay-off' for me was realizing that no matter what each picture contained, each represented an event or stage of life where we as a family worked and played together to accomplish life. No matter what - we were (and still are) in this together.this 'thing' called 'life'. When it was time to journey home, we were all so sad that such a great family time needed to come to an end. (I've often told my children that the amount of sadness felt is often equal to the amount of love held.)

So, what does all of this have to do with the Chronicles in the Bible? That part of our travels is yet to come! Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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I would like to introduce you to our friend, Missy Horsfall. A spotlight on Missy is LONG overdue! She is one of the 'rocks' behind Circle of Friends ministries. Missy is multi-faceted and multi-talented. She joined the Circle of Friends board in 2008, and COF has been benefiting from her ever since. Missy is the 'brains' behind much of our website. She manages the blog which includes her personal insights and offerings as she writes about what is on her heart. She also helps to produce and to record the radio programming done by COF. Missy headed up the Circle of Friends devotional book project which resulted in publication. She has allowed God to use her giftedness throughout her years and experiences of life. I want to share more about her with you!

I first met Missy years ago when our children were small. Missy has been married to Ned for 31 years. They are the parents of three grown children, all of whom are married, and the grandparents of one adorable baby girl. Missy worked in the banking industry for 13 years and as a pastor's wife for over 20 years. She co-authored the book Double Honor (Waterbrook Press 2002), and it is a GREAT read. I had to make myself STOP reading it, or I would have gone from beginning to end in one sitting!

When Missy was little, she wanted to grow up to be an Equestrian, specifically a three-day eventer, jumping horses. She grew up with the childhood nicknames of M.E. (emy), Miss Em (which I love!), and the dreaded "Lula-Belle"! During her 6^th grade year, she attended a missionary school in Taiwan. Her dad was in the military and was stationed there. She became a Christian after hearing about Jesus at a school assembly. Missy's walk of faith has continued and grown, regardless of the amount of pain in some of her life's circumstances. Throughout her life she has been inspired by so many people. A few that I will mention are her husband, Ned; Pastor Chris Cutshall and his wife, Kathy; her friend, Debby; and a long succession of wonderful women who have befriended and mentored her in the faith.

The spiritual lesson that seems to keep recurring in her life is that "God can take the worst of circumstances and make good come from it-He is that awesome! Every trial we face is designed by His hand, with His purpose in mind." Those are words of wisdom to hang on to! When Missy needs encouragement, she digs into the Word, listens to worship music, and calls or e-mails a friend - more great advice! At this point she would describe her perfect day as a "Blue and Gold" day on the water-deep blue sky, fresh wind, and beautiful sunshine. (Missy grew up on Lake Huron.) But, if that is not possible, a day with her family together is even better!

Missy describes herself as 'caring'. She absolutely hates to see anyone be humiliated or embarrassed. I would definitely agree with her description. I will also add that she is diligent, faithful, loyal, persevering, wise, a great listener - the list goes on! Fellow COF board member, Tammy, adds this about Missy. "I had the opportunity to travel to Nepal with Missy and was amazed by her endurance and strength. She really got sick - I mean horrible, horrible dysentery where she could barely stand up; fever and just major sick - but.she truly never complained, had a smile at all times on her pale face and ministered to the Nepali people with full vigor. I love Missy; she is a beautiful, Godly woman, and I cherish her friendship!"

Missy adds incredible wisdom to our COF team with her gifts, and we are so blessed to know her and to work alongside her. I just want to thank her for saying 'yes' to Circle of Friends!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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The 4^th of July. America's Independence Day. A day commemorating and celebrating - what? I wonder if the repetitive nature of annual holidays somehow diminishes the origin of that first special event. Cloudy confusion can be the result if we are not diligent in pursuing original truth. Because of my thoughts, I would like to share with you some quotations from one of our founding fathers and the 2^nd president of these United States, Mr. John Adams. I believe within his words we will know some of his heart and passion. I also believe Mr. Adams is a fine representation of the entire core of founding fathers as he eloquently speaks words that echo their hearts and passions as well. (I would love to share quotes from all of them, but then this blog would become a book!) All quotes are taken from the book, "America's God and Country" by William J. Federer. I will type them as they originally appeared, regarding both grammar and punctuation. Much had been happening in both England and America leading up to the days of these quotes. I encourage you to dig back in time and learn about this period of our heritage once more.

On June 21, 1776, John Adams wrote:

"Statesmen, my dear Sir, may plan and speculate for liberty, but it is Religion and Morality alone, which can establish the Principles upon which Freedom can securely stand.

The only foundation of a free Constitution is pure Virtue, and if this cannot be inspired into our People in a greater Measure than they have it now, they may change their Rulers and the forms of Government, but they will not obtain a lasting liberty."

In contemplating the effect that separation from England would mean to him personally, John Adams wrote:

"If it be the pleasure of Heaven that my country shall require the poor offering of my life, the victim shall be ready, at the appointed hour of sacrifice, come when that hour may. But while I do live, let me have a country, and that a free country!"

On July 1, 1776, John Adams profoundly spoke at the Continental Congress to the delegates from the Thirteen Colonies:

"Before God, I believe the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure, and my whole heart is in it. All that I have, and all that I am, and all that I hope in this life, I am now ready here to stake upon it. And I leave off as I began, that live or die, survive or perish, I am for the Declaration. It is my living sentiment, and by the blessing of God it shall be my dying sentiment. Independence now, and Independence for ever!"

On July 3, 1776, the day following Congress' approval of the Declaration of Independence, John Adams wrote to his wife, Abigail, regarding the gravity of the decision:

"It is the will of heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful. If this is to be the case, it will have this good effect, at least: it will inspire us with many virtues which we have not, and correct many errors, follies and vices, which threaten to disturb, dishonor and destroy us.The furnace of affliction produces refinements in states, as well as individuals."

On July 3, 1776, John Adams wrote again to his wife, Abigail, reflecting on what he had shared in Congress and, with prophetic insight, declaring the importance of that day:

"The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever.

You will think me transported with enthusiasm, but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the gloom I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory. I can see that the end is worth more than all the means; that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction, even though we [may regret] it, which I trust in God we shall not."

So there you have it - simply a few quotes from a humble steward of God. During this 4^th of July and beyond, may we all be reminded of the Divine principles and purposes upon which this country was founded. God has indeed blessed America. Now America must continually choose to bless God!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

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