Considering now, then, and all the travels in between:
They say the road is straight, but I've found it isn't steady. They say the path is lit, but I walk with blind feet. I've heard the Way is narrow, and to that I can attest. And if He says His yoke is easy, then I'm carrying something else. But the gravity of unnameable burdens is negated by the flight of my hope, and the fierce reality of "what is" will always be eclipsed by "What is promised to come."
In other words: while this waiting room is in orbit, I'll just keep trying to revolve around the Son.

Labels: Em's Journal

To my Father in heaven- as you sit on your throne, as you dwell in my heart, and as you stand outside of time:
I want to thank You for this peace. You have given me so much understanding, yet no measure of eloquence or wisdom can help me describe it. You are just too beyond me!
Whatever you do with me you will do for your glory. That is so much more than enough.
So here is my body, here is my heart, here is my life, my trust, my hope, my purpose- here is everything I thought belonged to me.
Take it, and reign.

Em

Labels: Em's Journal

Lord,
Walking with you is difficult and scary- but for that I blame my pride.
Your path for me is planned, perfect.
Narrowly lit.
You shine your light in front of me as I walk, just enough to keep me from stepping in to darkness.
Sometimes you light the way entirely, and I can see what is to come. Which is terrifying, because I always doubt that I can handle what we are steadily approaching.
I say all that to say:
Your revelations are always perfect. No matter how much you reveal or when you reveal it.
No matter what, I am thankfully forced to need you and trust you.
All that to learn:
I probably should be looking up rather than ahead.

Labels: Em's Journal

Dear Jesus,
I refuse to forget that life is beautiful. More than anything else I fear forgetting your goodness. Don't let me be veiled by your blessings, although they are immeasurably great. The splendor of what you DO still does not approach that of who you ARE.
Thank you for whispering so I have to listen.
Thank you for making sure I am not too comfortable for too long.
Thank you for your promises, which you always faithfully fulfill.
Thank you for forgiveness. I require a lot of that from you.
You are my sustenance.
I hope you know that you are all I want. No other desire can compare to my desire for you.
-Emily

Labels: Em's Journal

There is one thought that has ruled me today, and it has nothing to do with this picture.
"Lord, you really, REALLY love us."
To realize the depth of this truth is to be thoroughly quieted. I am still, and there is hardly any room for words or thoughts. Just awe. Just the humility that comes from revelation of His heart. I am so wowed, I almost can't form a single prayer... almost. :-)

Labels: Em's Journal

Hello, Spiritual Undertow.
The pause before the throw.
You are still and you are quiet.
And so am I.
Hello, Storm.
The thrust that threatens my norm.
You are strong and you are impending.
Yet..so am I.

Labels: Em's Journal

Dear Romance,

I am just going to be honest with you: you make me nervous. I will offer you free reign of my relationships with Jesus and my sisters, as long as you leave all of my other relationships alone. The vulnerability and inebriation of the heart are certainly not welcomed right now. I will not welcome you if you approach me alone. So if you want any of my time, bring your friends- Wisdom, Self-control, and Divine Glory.
And maybe then we will talk.
Maybe.

Em

Labels: Em's Journal

Surface,

I just wanted to remind you that you are penetrable. But the thicker you are, the more frustrated I become. When it comes to picking my battles, I have a hard time not picking you. But- it seems sometimes that is the wisest thing to do. It seems intimacy does not always win.
In some cases, it seems intimacy does not even have a chance. All I want is to know people and glorify God in my loving of them. Tell me, what is wrong with that? Why do you inflict the ones I love with indifference towards me? Couldn't you at least have enough decency to stay out of my home life?
You know what, I will just approach you with a sharper sword next time.

Watch your back.
Em

Labels: Em's Journal

Lord,

Thank you for building doors in the walls that surround me. Thank you for making some of them big enough for me to see. Thank you for opening them. Thank you for pushing me until I fall through them. Thank you for closing them behind me. Thank you for making walls and not making ceilings. Thank you for the infinite opportunity for hope and revelry. Thank you for letting light in where I am. Someday these walls will tumble, and I won't need doors. But for now, I am thankful for all the things I need, and all the struggles I pass through to get them. Because they are all found in you, and reaching You is worth any stretch. I love needing you. I love that you are everything you promised. You could be any kind of God you want. You're God. But you are a God of hope... and faithfulness... and doors... and many other things.
You made everything perfectly. Even my flaws- with which I am falling fast in love.

I love you most,
Em

Labels: Em's Journal

Dear Hope,
Thanks for coming back.

Labels: Em's Journal

Protection,
There are so many things I do not understand- what I want versus what I should ask for, what is acceptable to ask for, whether I should ask for anything at all.
Remembering God's faithfulness makes my stomach turn when I ask for you. To ask for you feels too much like asking for Comfort...which strikes me as a worldly pursuit. Because of this, I am never comfortable when I call on you. Ironic? As I said, there is a lot I do not understand.
Until wisdom guides me to a proper relationship with you, I will stand back and let Christ lead you to me when necessary. I'm sorry for my apprehension, as I know you only have the best intentions.
-Em

Labels: Em's Journal

Dear Rest,
Why are you so coy with me? I wish you weren't so hard to get. I want you to stay with me. I don't want you out of love for Comfort, but for Christ. Thankfully He is uninhibited by my insufficiency, for I would be significantly less useful to a limited god without you. I am slowly learning all the things I did to chase you away, but you still elude me. I'm growing weary with out you. Please show me mercy. Please return to me.
Please,
me

Labels: Em's Journal

To the world and all her ways:

Of course I have joy! I can't take you seriously.
To remember that you are fully tangible and destructible definitely puts your weight into perspective, and I'm flying. I am undeniably enjoying my time with you. You are quite conducive to my wonderment of your Creator, as I continually attempt to remind myself that you aren't even that great. No offense.

To infinity,
Em

Labels: Em's Journal

Identity,

You used to concern me greatly. Nowadays I am increasingly apathetic. Hm. I take that back. It seems I want rid of you. Wait. You confuse me.

That was pointless,
Em

Labels: Em's Journal

Dear Pain,

Our relationship is steadily growing in health. You would be pleased to know that you remind me more of Beauty and Revelation than Sadness and Regret. Yes, you are rough around the edges. But so am I, that is, to the extent that you are a part of me. I am thankful for you and I think you are beautiful. And besides, a friend of Christ's is a friend of mine.

Cheers,
Em

Labels: Em's Journal

Innocence,

I thoroughly enjoy you! Please remind me that I can still have the parts of you that remain. I'm sorry that all you do is decrease. I bet you love babies, in whom you get to live as richly as you will ever live. Just a thought. You are welcome to withhold me from whatever you wish.

Stay,

Em

Labels: Em's Journal

My God,

I am excited to know You beyond the boundary of words, to know a joy that surpasses this. I want as much of you as this world will let me have. No. I want more. You truly are everything. Everything. And to think I am worthy of that? To think that this is the less glorious side of the gates..

And I did nothing.

Thank you for moments like these,
Em

Labels: Em's Journal

To Fear,

Unless you enjoy being reduced to a shadow of your former self, I suggest you find another host.
((We both know that you have more of me than I let on. You always will, as I will always deny you.))
I know you are conscious of the beauty you attempt to hold from me. But my Ruler is stronger than you.

I win,

Em

Labels: Em's Journal

*Editors Note: If you are a follower of Circle of Friends blog you will know that we have several contributors as well as guest bloggers. We are delighted that "Em's Journal" will become a regular feature! Not to confuse you, but we will now have two Emilys writing for us (Emily Smith and Emily Jones - don't you love it?) Em's journal will be labeled 'Em's Journal' while Emily will remain 'Emily' - clear as mud? For a wonderful story on God's sense of humor and how God works His mysterious ways read here and here. These precious young women are both creative and gifted writers and challenge me with their spiritual insight, wisdom, and humor. Enjoy!

Dear Comfort,

You are a fleeting love- destructible, unfaithful. It seems I could never depend on you. I still love you, and you should know you are always welcome here. But I will not miss you when you are gone. Forgive me in advance for my ambition- when I decide to turn the tables and leave you first.

Healthily fond of you,

Em

Labels: Em's Journal