Such mixed emotions. For the longest time, our son Darian has wanted to race dirt bikes. I have always enjoyed watching him ride while at the same time truly hoping this would be a passing phase. Notice I said ‘ride’ and not ‘race’. Although racing had not yet happened, I knew that was all about to change. Darian’s plan was to enter the race at the county fair. How do I pray through this one? “Lord, don’t let this happen? Lord, let this experience be the greatest thing for him? Lord, protect him from himself and any really stupid choices? Lord, make him want to do competitive chess instead?” So which prayer is it?! It became a combination of all of the above, but ultimately, “Not my will, Lord, but YOUR will be done.” As I talked with Darian, I wanted him to know, believe, and feel my support while also knowing the sources of my apprehension. I mean, I am not going to pretend that all of that ‘uncomfortable’ stuff is not there! I did want to be careful though that I was not unnecessarily feeding him any unhealthy attitudes from me. Such mixed emotions.

The race was scheduled for Thursday. The Sunday before, Darian began to complain of a stomachache. I didn’t think it was anything to dwell on. He has hardly ever been sick with anything, and when he has been, it has not lasted long at all. No problem. PROBLEM! As the hours turned into more than a day, I became pretty concerned about his health, especially being just a few days away from the race. His dad was going to take him to a track to practice, but that didn’t happen due to us realizing that Darian did indeed have the flu. He didn’t eat; he moaned and groaned as he attempted to sleep; it all broke my heart as he tried to be such a good patient-no complaining at all. Hmmm-new thought-could this be God’s way of NOT allowing this awful (in my mind anyway) dirt bike racing thing to happen? It sure seemed like a good explanation to me! I felt a bit guilty for now looking at this flu thing with thankfulness. However, that was short lived. Darian wanted to go to the track to practice. I think he was willing himself to feel well enough to even get out of bed. So on Wednesday he and Mike headed to practice. The following day was the race. How can he even think he can accomplish this after being down for several days and not being able to even practice well? My montage of prayers continued-with a new fervor. Mike’s and my observations of Darian’s riding have always been that he is a great rider-very cautious and conservative, yet stretching himself and always concerned about the other rider. Now, if he could only race with other riders who rode the same way-or better yet, just race against himself!

Thursday arrives with Darian determined to race. He still has not eaten much at all, and he knows how this mother feels. I keep telling him that I will support his choice, and that there is absolutely no shame in choosing not to follow through with this-especially given his current state of health and weakness. (Okay, I also told him there is no shame in simply changing his mind because he no longer wants to race dirt bikes and really feels called to competitive chess. He just didn’t buy into that!) As we sat in ‘the pit’ at the track, I felt queasy. I prayed without ceasing. Such mixed emotions.

Then I received a phone call from my sweet friend, Susan. She and her son, Christian, had come to watch Darian race. They had come to be with us. That was medicine for my soul. Then I saw another friend of Darian’s show up with his dad. They paid extra to be in the pit with us. None of us were expecting them-what an incredibly supportive surprise! Soon more of Darian’s pals came. (They even wrote the letters of his name with magic markers across their bare chests!) Although my concern for Darian’s health and safety was still there, I believed others were bearing this burden with me. How wonderful! Before Darian headed off to line up for his race, his sister, Katrina wanted to pray over him. Susan and Christian joined us as I prayed. Then Susan added her wise prayer-something about the bike kicking butt! We loved it! I loved this time together. And now it was time to watch him go-I couldn’t go with him on this part of the journey. Such mixed emotions. God be with you, my sweet son.

I’ll tell you the rest of the story in my next blog.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

My son, Darian, is now 15 years old. We celebrated his birthday this past weekend; however, he did not want to have “Happy Birthday” written on his cake. I will explain. For the past 14 years, Darian has held true to his tradition of always having his party ON the date of his birth-August 14^th. Regardless of the day of the week-or what else was going on, we automatically set that day aside to do his celebration. (One year we even had him open his presents inside our van in the parking lot of the Holmes County Fair because his band director dad needed to be at the fair with the band for its performance on August 14th, and both of our daughters were available to be with us as well.) But this year the tradition changed, although somewhat reluctantly on Darian’s part. Because some of his friends were not available to come to his party on Saturday the 14^th, he decided to host it on Friday the 13^th in order to accommodate more people.

His sister, Katrina, has enjoyed making his cakes for the past few birthdays (and I will thank her over and over for taking that item off of my ‘to do’ list!), and so she conferred with him regarding this year’s cake too. Because his party was not actually on the date of his birth, he did not want to have it read “Happy Birthday”. The two of them decided to do an internet search to discover what other holidays (albeit probably rather bizarre) are on August 13^th. Lo and behold, they found what Darian thought would be the perfect holiday to celebrate.

Are you ready for this? August 13^th is “Blame Someone Else Day”. We were having a great time with this ‘discovery’ on Thursday, August 12^th; but when the next day came, I had kind of forgotten all about it. THEN right away on Friday morning, I happened to ask Darian a simple question, and his response was something like, “Well, it’s HER fault; don’t blame me!” I was so taken aback and ready to initiate discipline, until I saw that sly smile on his face and then remembered what ‘holiday’ this was certainly going to be! We actually had quite a bit of fun with the whole “don’t blame me” concept. We could have fun with it ONLY because we have a keen awareness and understanding of the immense potential dangers that are contained in the ‘blame game’. Our ‘fun’ enabled us to talk about the potential for creating a crazy cycle which places blame on anyone or anything other than ourselves. Isn’t blame so easy to do though? It seems as if it is often the first response to a bad situation. Even if we don’t put an audible voice to it, we may often try to THINK of how someone or something else can be blamed.

According to the dictionary, ‘blame’ means “to hold (a person or thing) responsible for something bad or wrong; to find fault with”. A synonym is “accuse”. Everyone needs to accept responsibility for personal actions-to be willing to place blame upon themselves when necessary. Sometimes we need the wise help of others who care about us to enable us to see where we need to accept that kind of responsibility, instead of casting blame in any other direction. That wise help does not mean that we are being blamed for the purpose of shifting someone else’s fault onto us, but rather to help us to face the reality of our own wrong behavior. When used well, blame can certainly be a tool for self-evaluation.

When I mess up, I need to face it, ‘fess it, and fix it-in as much as it is possible for me to do so. I need to extend forgiveness and accept forgiveness. And then I can move on and continue to live out Philippians 1: 9-11 where Paul writes, “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God.” Now I say a hearty AMEN to those words!

- NOT!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I’m staying in a cabin on the side of a beautiful mountain. Something about this air-this view-this ambiance, makes me really want to hike. At least that’s what I think as I laze around on the deck gazing and gawking at the gorgeous scenery. I didn’t pack any decent walking shoes; mainly because serious walking generally meanders around in my mind rather than pounding any pavement. (My mind should actually be very physically fit!) My lovely friend, Linda Kate walks out onto the deck, and I begin to admire her walking shoes. She has just returned from her hiking adventure. Okay-I’m feeling a bit more motivated to climb further up this mountain. Next thing I know, Linda is removing her shoes (she knows I don’t have any), and offering them to me to ‘try out’. Wow-I’m not going to pass that up! I quickly put them on; strap on my bag with camera (in case I spot a bear-or at least a great butterfly), phone (even though there is no reception in them thar hills), water bottle (because I’ve heard that is a good thing to do) and granola bar (because it’s FOOD-always important!). Seriously, I do need to take the food thing along due to being diabetic.

I truly am excited to head out the door. I don’t really know where I am going to go; I’m not even familiar with any of this area. I figure, just head-UP! Then when I feel as if I’m ‘half-tired’-head back down. How hard can that be? After walking for a while with Missy and Brenda, two other lovely ‘circle of friends’ ladies, I part company and continue on my own. I’m pumped.

As I briskly walk, I’m amazed by the solitude. I’m also amazed at the fact that I am walking as if I do this all the time-and loving it. As I climb higher on those hairpin turns up the mountainside, I am completely invigorated. I chat with God, do some singing, and find myself smiling all the time. Now I must clarify that the smiling is surrounded by a face full of ever increasing sweat, and the chatting and singing are being done in an increasingly breathy tone as I realize that, hmmm-THIS IS WORK!! I also realize that a heart attack is not completely out of the question here! I just laugh. Even with those thoughts, this is so much fun! My God-talk is such a combination of the serious stuff of life mingled with the ridiculous, such as, “God, did you hear the one about.?” or “Hey God, watch what I can do?” I feel as if I am absolutely frolicking with God; playing and joking and laughing. It seems as if everything I am seeing along this hike comes with a commentary from God that draws me closer to Him. This is right where I want to be.

Then ‘ IT’ happens. I am suddenly sidetracked from my ‘God-party’ as a monstrosity of an SUV peels around a hairpin turn fast approaching me. I quickly realize that I have to be very careful where I step off of this road so as not to end up on the same road-only DOWN on the previous level! After the vehicle safely passes, I pay more attention to where I am walking in relation to the clearance that vehicles will have. I plot the course by looking both forward and backward now to determine on which side of the road I will walk. I think I look ridiculous skittering back and forth across the road. I am also craning my neck as I turn my head to be able to listen better for the sounds of approaching engines. Okay, this is not so much fun anymore. I begin to see each vehicle as a monster to be dodged as I continue to climb toward the ‘summit of victory’. I grit my teeth in determination and press onward and upward. I soon begin to laugh and smile again-now with a sense of “HA HA HA (kind of a wicked sounding laugh); you missed me again! You’ll never catch me, you ferocious beast!!” My laughter, whether it remains inside or bubbles over to mix with the sounds of nature and, oh yes, those vehicle engines, is really fine medicine for the potential weariness of this trek. My serious and silly conversation with God is absolutely energizing. I will confess however, that conversation is laced with intermittent pleas of “please don’t let me have a heart attack!”

Wow-I have made it to my goal! I feel a sense of sadness at needing to turn around to head back down this mountainside. And then I remember-I get to go DOWN! As I hike, jog, run (depending upon the speed of each vehicle), I continue to feel like a little kid just frolicking along. I don’t even care about my multi-layers of sweat. Instead of thinking of it as sweat, I honestly feel as if I have been clothed with the honor and grace of being in the presence of God Almighty, dear Friend of mine, Who has stayed with me on this journey. (How could He, and why should He?! I love Him!!) Along the way I passed this sign that read “Freedom Lane; Dead End”,

and it made me think of how NOT true it is-when you are experiencing TRUE freedom that comes from knowing Jesus Christ. No matter where your unique trek takes you today, please know that God is already there, AND He is already waiting to join you to take you there. So go ahead-hike, frolic, play, work, run, whatever. Just invite God to do all of that with you as you journey along your ‘Freedom Lane’ together!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

My husband and I were working outside this morning on a ‘project’. Over the years we have had lots of ‘projects’-indoors and out. Each one gives me the opportunity to see how good and effective a team we are. I could say that one of us is the brawn and the other the brains, but actually, we are both-BOTH! Brawn and brains. (Although he has WAY more brawn than I; but I do a pretty good job hefting and hauling!) No matter how challenging or surprising any of these projects becomes, Mike never loses patience, smiles and jokes through it all, and definitely sees the positive perspective. His actions encourage me to do the same; and so, we really do keep each other going. This morning as he was working in one area and I in another, I began thinking about our journey together. I was struck with the thought that we really have grown toward each other. I chuckled out loud at the thought. It was a very pleasant thought-considering our history.

Mike and I had a, hmmm-how should I say it?-TUMULTUOUS dating relationship and engagement. You know-on again, off again-should have remained OFF! At one point during our pre-marital counseling, our pastor asked to meet with me alone. At this meeting he advised me to postpone the wedding. He saw what I already knew, but was fighting against. I DID NOT WANT TO BE GETTING MARRIED! And most definitely not to this man at this point in time. I wanted to WANT to get married to him, but it just wasn’t happening for me! But, my pride won out. I knew the invitations had been sent, RSVP’s were coming in, and I had always outwardly come across as a confident and successful person (regardless of what was really happening on the inside). No, I was going to go through with it. So, on my wedding day, standing at the back of the church, waiting for my ‘grand’ entrance, the thought going through my head was something like, “I don’t want to be here; I don’t want to be doing this, etc.” I thought all of this through a clenched-teeth smile as I walked down that aisle with my dad (who, by the way, was smiling quite genuinely, because he and my mom AND my whole family absolutely adored Mike. I’m fairly sure they would have kicked me out of the family and kept him if it came down to that!).

Mike and I got married, but oh wow-we did not live happily ever after. Pretty much from the very beginning we were on a downward spiral. We just didn’t know how low we could go. Our first two children came quite quickly. Katrina was born just days before our first anniversary, and Jessica was born 21 months later. Mike poured himself into work, and I poured myself into our girls. Truly, Mike and I just didn’t know how to work together. We didn’t know how to view conflict as a ‘gift’-like iron sharpening iron-in order to make both of us better people. We certainly didn’t know how to work through conflict. The natural consequences were for us to simply drift apart from each other. We were at the doors of divorce more than once. I won’t go into the nasty details; but they truly are worth telling sometime because of the incredible pit in which Mike and I found ourselves. Really, our entire marriage looked absolutely hopeless and unredeemable! Let’s just say that after many bad choices with dire consequences, we were both done.

God was not.

Through several occurrences that happened to both of us at separate times, we began to see that God was orchestrating something much different than divorce. Eventually both of us knew that we knew that we needed to follow God’s desires above our own. This meant that we needed to make difficult choices based on faith and truth rather than what we were feeling and ‘emoting’ at the time. And these difficult choices needed to be consistent and intentional. Personally, I knew I needed to draw near to God because I desperately needed Him to draw near to me (James 4:8). I also began to see that I needed to draw near to my husband, regardless of how I felt at any particular time. Now, please know that I am not saying that we drew near to each other blindly. We needed to learn how to work together through the conflicts-past, present, and knowing they would come in the future as well. (I also know that there are definitely times when the healthy thing for a person to do is to walk away from a relationship.) I am simply talking about what Mike and I chose to do with each other. What I found is that when two people choose to do the right thing with each other, it also becomes the right thing for each other.

Although all of this happened many years ago, the process of learning how to work together as a team is ongoing. Just as Mike and I have those daily choices to make, so also does everyone else. We can either choose to grow away from one another, or we can choose to grow toward one another. “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” (James 4:8) I love what The Message has to say in James 4:7-10. “So let God work His will in you. Yell a loud ‘no’ to the devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet ‘yes’ to God, and He’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.” Don’t I know it! This is so what I need to remember and do!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I had another one of THOSE moments-when I prayed for something, saw the opportunity for that prayer to be answered, and then DIDN’T follow through properly. Why do I do that?! Recently I was getting ready to go to a party, and I really wanted to be a good and effective follower of Jesus while I was there. I knew that I would only know a handful of people among the throng of diversity. As I thought about how to ‘act’ among all those people, I found myself thinking of and singing words to the song “Shine”. This is based on Philippians 2:14-16 which says to us, “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life (Jesus Christ).” This is what I wanted to do at the party.

As the evening progressed, I was able to have many ‘nice’ conversations with many people-either getting to know them a bit, or getting caught up with some current events in their lives. When I was heading toward home, I struck up a conversation with a man whom I had met a few times before; but feel as if I do need to re-introduce myself each time. (We just don’t have occasion to see each other that often.) As I asked him some questions about what was happening in his life, he began to share about some really difficult struggles in which he is involved. I listened well (I think) and shared about the need for him to have a good support system as well as sharing some other ‘stuff’. I believe he heard my ‘compassion’, but I don’t think he actually saw it. After a while, I said ‘good-bye’ and walked away. Even as I was walking home, I got a little weepy just thinking about all that this gentleman was experiencing and enduring. I began to pray for him and others involved. And then I was struck-really hard-with the reality that while, yes, I listened well, I DIDN’T REALLY DO ANYTHING ELSE OF ANY ETERNAL SIGNIFICANCE! My mind filled with my earlier prayer about wanting to shine like the stars and share the truth of Jesus Christ. I had the perfect God-given opportunity, and I chose to share stuff that was more like superficial ‘pop’ psychology I am sure. I can’t tell you how heavy I felt. So-I talked with God again; asked for forgiveness, and began praying for help to be able to show compassion and Christ to that man-if there was still the opportunity to do so.

When I got home, I continued to pray and eventually sat down to write a note inside the front cover of a book. This is what I wrote:

Dear (my greeting was to both him and his girlfriend who was not with him at the party),

As I walked home, I prayed for you, I asked God to direct me to something that would be good for you. I truly want to be a good help to you, but any ‘help’ I offer that is not connected to Jesus Christ is not a lasting help. As I continued to pray, my eyes settled on this book. I invite you both to read about this God-Man, Jesus. I encourage you to tell Him anything and everything, and then get ready to experience Him and His everlasting love for you. I want you to know that I am praying for you and will continue to do so.

And then I signed my name. I picked up the book in which I had written (“Next Door Savior” by Max Lucado), and headed back over to the party. I had another opportunity to deliver words of hope-LASTING words of hope that are found only in the Triune God-the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I am so thankful that God was AND IS willing to forgive and to help us to do the right thing. Doing the right thing is truly for OUR best as we are stretched and grown into more of His likeness, and it is also for the sake of others as they are brought into His Kingdom. Ultimately, doing the right thing is for the purpose of proclaiming GOD to ALL the world, because God loves the world!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I’ve heard it said that ‘America will continue to be the land of the free as long as it is the home of the brave’. As I ponder the 4^th of July-Independence Day-I find myself thinking about the history that hatched this holiday and reasons for remembering. The American Revolution was born out of a good thing gone bad. American colonists, for the most part, had embraced the idea of ‘interdependence’ with the British Empire. These pioneering people of the colonies looked forward to developing a land built upon the Word of God and the religious freedoms found therein. To remain under the ‘protective’ hedge of the British Empire while delving into the ‘pursuit of happiness’ could prove to be a great marriage. Things went askew as Great Britain needed more money to finance its military, and as a result, came up with a variety of taxation plans. Colonists were among those who became disgruntled with this idea of ‘taxation without representation’ as well as other ideas which fostered confusion and distrust in the royal leadership. Regardless of whose side you might be on, or whether or not the actions of both sides were righteous, the end result was freedom for these United States.

I could write a ton about why or why not I agree or disagree with specific actions exercised by both sides, but no one wants to read a ton of stuff, and that is not what this blog is about! My point here is that both sides were made up of one universal element-PEOPLE; people filled with human nature and prone to making mistakes. So many of these people were also filled with the nature of God as they had put their faith and trust in Jesus Christ and were completely dependent upon Him to guide, provide, and complete their mission for America. Were they perfect? Of course not. Were they brave? I believe absolutely yes. The men and women who possessed integrity (and many did not, just like today!) and spoke up and fought for freedom were fighting on behalf of the oppressed. They recognized the need to strengthen the ‘weak link’ instead of ignoring it, or worse, obliterating it. I believe that much of the mindset among the colonists was that of ‘unity’. Many of our forefathers have used that old adage, “United we stand, divided we fall”. Many of the political leaders of that day chose to be subject to God first. That choice compelled them to rescue the perishing and to come alongside the less fortunate. (There were members of British Parliament who also chose the way of Jesus and fostered similar movements of compassion.)

So what about today? How are we doing with rescuing the perishing, coming alongside the oppressed, and pursuing freedoms for the benefit of those who cannot do so for themselves? I celebrate the 4^th of July holiday for many reasons, and I definitely want one of those reasons to be because I remember how our founding fathers fought for what they believed was right and just and pure-not only for their sakes, but for the sakes of future generations as well. And how about me? Even though I may never choose to pick up a ‘physical’ weapon of warfare, am I willing to continue to pick up the ‘spiritual’ weapons of warfare-those of truth, justice, mercy, praise, prayer, the Word of God, etc.-to enable me to be brave for the sake of others? I think I like that first thought of ‘America will continue to be the land of the free as long as it is the home of the brave’.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

About a week ago I visited a local greenhouse for the first time this season. I know-I had procrastinated, but I had a good reason. I’m CHEAP! I was waiting for the ‘half off’ or ‘buy one, get one free’ deals. Because I don’t consider myself to have a green thumb, I want to be especially careful regarding how much money I invest in plants. It is still usually up for grabs whether my purchases will end up being an ‘investment’ or a ‘waste’-ending up in the compost heap! I have often wondered if greenhouses possess some magical plant-growing power that truly does not travel with me to my house! Oh well.

I was primarily interested in herbs, but also wanted to find a hanging basket. Much to my dismay, I discovered that all the best had already either been taken, or were marked ‘sold’. While I don’t consider myself picky at all, the flowers that remained were simply not what I was looking for-either in kind or color. I spent quite a bit of time rolling ideas around in my mind of just how I could wisely utilize choices from the slim pickings that were left. Throughout my time of exploration I had noticed a basket hanging all alone. I kept thinking, “Hmmm-it looks as if it has been a BAD plant and is in ‘time out’!” I kept eyeing it. (It reminded me of that sweet, humble Christmas tree that Charlie Brown lovingly brought home.) Finally I asked the owner about that basket. She replied that she hadn’t considered selling it because she had recently done some serious pruning of it. She said it would come back nicely, but just wasn’t ready yet. She added that if I would like to buy it, she would give me an even better deal. CHA-CHING! That works for me. Actually, I would not have taken her up on it, but I did trust her that she knew what she was doing, and her word that it would ‘come back nicely’ was good enough for me. (We are ‘sort of’ neighbors too, and there is comfort in that.)

I took my ‘Charlie Brown’ plant home, watered it, and hung it on my front porch. I’m sure to anybody else it probably looked pretty pathetic. To me, I was looking forward to watching the process toward the end result-again, mostly because I trust my greenhouse neighbor with her masterful care of this plant while she had it in her hands. In John 15 Jesus says that He is the true vine and that God the Father is the Gardener. “He (God) cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” Believe me, this plant that I bought had been PRUNED-even to the point of ugliness. There are so many times when I feel as I have been ‘pruned’ by God-even to the point of ugliness. But that point of ugliness is only from my point of view. God’s point of view is one of ‘potential’ and ‘purpose’. He knows what needs to be done in my life in order to bring forth from me the thoughts, words, and actions that will define me to others as being one of His disciples-all for His glory.

Soon after I gave this ‘pathetic’ plant a new home, I needed to be gone for a few days, so I wasn’t able to actually track the process of this plant as I left it in the care of my family. When I returned home I was met with a blessed sight. That plant had truly changed. The ‘fruit’ that it was now bearing was beautiful. But, do you know what I realized? Maybe I was really the only one who noticed, because I was the only one who had paid attention to its former state of ‘ugliness’. I saw where it was, hoped for what it could become, and then beheld its current state of beauty. My appreciation and respect for its former gardener was well placed. I am so blessed and humbled and appreciative and in love with MY Gardener-God, who also saw where I was, hopes for (and KNOWS) what I can become, and then beholds my current state of beauty-HIS beauty in me for HIS glory.

Behold-my ‘child’!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

My recent multi-tasking trip of which I have been blogging revealed much to me-mostly about myself, but also about our wonderful Heavenly Daddy. And yes, I will call Him ‘Daddy’ for many reasons; but this time it is because I felt like a child through most of the trip, heavily relying on Daddy. (I also acted like a child through some of the trip, but thankfully, nobody saw that except for Daddy!) I was especially excited (although not right away) about one of the Daddy encounters I had. You may remember in my last blog that I wrote about the stuff, clutter, trash-whatever you want to call it-of my parents’ former home. I believe I used the line “WHO NEEDS TO HANG ONTO STUFF AFTER 30 YEARS OF NOT EVEN LOOKING AT IT, MUCH LESS UTILIZING IT!”

Picture this if you will-Dad (earthly dadJ) went out to ‘the farm’ to bring in some stuff (yes, more STUFF) to sort through. One of those items was a chest of drawers (which, I found out, had been moved from Ohio to Missouri 30 plus years ago) that was placed in the barn with the intent of sorting through it to then place it in the house and actually utilize it. Well, guess what? It never got moved! It sat in the same spot for the same 30 plus years with the same stuff inside its drawers! When Dad hauled it in to town from the farm, I was truly aghast. I wish I had taken a picture of this chest. Let me describe it to you. The chest itself, painted white, was completely covered with mold and mildew. The drawers were painted dark brown, highlighted with mold and mildew. The hardware was the original gold handles, accentuated with mold and mildew. (I won’t tell you about the stuff inside the drawers. Suffice it to say there was mold and mildew among the collection!) Anyway, Dad looked at me with a smile and said, “I think this will clean up nicely, and I can put it in the guest room.” I looked at him with a smile and THOUGHT, “No way! Sacrifice that as a burnt offering!” Surely he had to be kidding. He wasn’t; and I knew it all along because I know my dad. He’s a saver. He’s a re-user. He’s a recycler. He’s very resourceful.

After making the trip from that house back to his new home in Kansas City, we unloaded that piece of trash-okay, that chest of drawers-along with everything else. I knew I would need to get to work cleaning it up ASAP. I could only put it off for so long. I prepared my cleaning solution, prepared my mind, and dug in. It wasn’t long before I realized I was not thinking happy thoughts. I was thinking about what a waste of time this was for me; what a waste this chest was. Hopeless. I could be doing something so much more productive. This whole process was going to be fruitless. Plus, I was sweating profusely. The 90 plus degree high-humidity heat wasn’t helping my attitude at all. I asked Dad to take a look at the progress. I politely said to him, “Dad, I don’t think you’re going to want to keep this chest. I have scrubbed some of it, and much of the mold remains.” Of course, my ulterior motive was that he would agree with me, and the chest would be a welcome addition to history. I never revealed my inner attitude. As I awaited my dad’s response, I smiled and felt a sense of relief at the impending outcome of getting rid of this waste of wood. And then he said, “Oh, go ahead and give it a try. I really believe it will be alright.” (At this point, I was hoping he didn’t detect my poor attitude which now, I’m quite sure, looked something like *@%#!! Actually, that just translates to “AARRRGGGG!!”) Outwardly, I still smiled and said, “OK”. Profound! After he left I said, “Okay, God; it’s You and me. Help me to do this well.” I continued to scrub-and scrub. Then I used bleach-and bleached again. Next I found some primer and painted a couple of coats. I remembered the white paint that was earlier used on the closet doors. On went two coats of paint. I looked at the drawers and thought, “Hmmm-I don’t want to paint them white as well; but that brown is awful!” I found a small can of paint which indicated it contained a beautiful cool blue. Could it be that that was what was actually inside the can; and would it be in useable condition? YES!! I went ahead and removed the hardware-I mean, I CHISELLED the hardware off of each drawer and proceeded to break each one due to its ‘old age’. After I applied the blue paint, I went to the store to pick up some new handles. I had to drill new holes which ended up being mostly ‘hits’ in a ‘hit or miss’ situation. With each step in this process, I gained momentum-and hope.

At one specific point I completely felt the impression of God upon me saying, “This is a chest of ‘hope’. It is just like people. You looked at it and saw a piece of hopeless trash-just junk to be discarded. Your earthly father saw a vision for new life and another opportunity for usefulness. It is just like people. You might look at someone and see a hopeless case-just someone to be dismissed. I, your heavenly Father, have a vision for them of new life, and another opportunity for fulfilled purpose. Just as you are putting sweat equity into that hopeless-looking chest of drawers, I am investing Myself into what you might think is a hopeless-looking person. The results-a beautiful, renewed and useful chest of drawers from your work; and a beautiful, renewed and purposeful person from My work.” What a wonderful and glorious opportunity I had to work on this old chest. I feel as if we are now ‘bonded’ together, and I truly hope this special chest is around for many more years-and even gets filled with many more memories. And I almost missed it all. Funny though-I hadn’t counted on the chest changing me as well. Thank You, Jesus, for hanging in there with me and doing such an amazing work inside of me (who is many times a ‘hopeless-looking’ case!).

Thanks for reading,

Libby

If you have read my past couple of blogs, you know that I recently took a trip. The purpose for my trip was multi-faceted-spend time with my dad in his new home, attend my nephew’s graduation, spend time with my mom in her new home in an assisted living wing, meet my newborn grandniece for the first time, and help with the final purging process of Mom’s and Dad’s former home of 25 plus years. This home would have benefitted greatly from consistent evaluation of ‘cleaning and clearing out’ needs, but alas, that didn’t happen much. On the occasions when attempts were made, the results were often a mixed bag of out of town family coming to breeze through the house to sort and pitch while other family members would continue to add stuff to the eclectic assortment of-STUFF! The ultimate result was one large home (4000 sq. ft.) filled with 59 plus years of memories, most of which could have/should have remained a precious mental image which we would then be able to share in pleasant “remember when” conversations (or, at the most, a photograph in a well-ordered album-yeah, right!). Instead, the home became more like a museum for mostly trash.

During this final phase of purging and getting the house ready to sell, I discovered that so much stuff that had originally been moved from Ohio to Missouri over 30 years ago had not ever been taken out of the storage barn. Okay, really-WHO NEEDS TO HANG ONTO STUFF AFTER 30 YEARS OF NOT EVEN LOOKING AT IT, MUCH LESS UTILIZING IT?! Please know that I am certainly not writing this for the purpose of knocking my parents down! I can tell you story after story of how wonderful, beautiful, generous, loving, etc. they are. Do you know what else I discovered? Neither of them really wanted to live with this much unnecessary accumulation of stuff. I can honestly say that all of their stuff is a result of their involvement in the lives of others. Stuff from their Girl Scout/Boy Scout leadership days; community theater involvement; Church and Sunday School ministries; dance class and recital events; and the everyday school activities that can seem never ending. And this is just the short list! As I recite this list to myself, I am filled with gratitude for the incredible experiences that my parents made available to each of their nine children. They didn’t buy us new stuff-they equipped us with adventures. They didn’t even buy themselves new stuff. I remember the furniture that we had for years was what they had bought when they got married. When something began to wear out, Mom re-upholstered, patched, or repaired. When they moved into this ‘new’ home, they went to an auction at a funeral home (yes-funeral home) to look for furnishings. They turned used funeral parlor furniture into something new for them. (I do remember making many jokes about bringing home unused caskets to use for beds. Thankfully, that never happened!)

I truly think their incredible and ridiculous amount of stuff was NOT due to them wanting to have much. It was due more to them wanting to hang on to every experience/memory and not quite knowing how to let go and move on. And so, we (their children) were left with quite a mess to sort through and a small window of time in which to do so. When a few of us siblings gathered, along with my dad, to do the final purging, we laughed, shed a few tears, and talked much of the past-the good, the bad, and the ugly. We spurred each other on to do good things as we continued to clear the clutter, even in the state of complete exhaustion. The Word of God came to my mind and refreshed me. “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10: 24) The entire experience became therapeutic. It was as if clearing out the physical clutter of the house became a metaphor for clearing out the emotional clutter of our own lives. “I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward-to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” (Phil. 3:12-14 Msg) We felt cleansed-and closer. “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1) For me in this situation, that verse says, “GET RID OF THE CLUTTER!” (Back home, my family knows my motto for helping to control clutter-”DON’T PUT IT DOWN; PUT IT AWAY.”)

At the end, when the clutter was gone, we all re-discovered and were reminded that this is one great house. It will serve the next family very well.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Here is another ‘Letters’ entry to tell you about this amazing crew as I experienced my gift-flight from Lisa.

Lately it seems as if I have had so many encounters with people who have genuinely exhibited the fruit of the Holy Spirit of God. I don’t know if some of them are believers; in fact, some of them I don’t even know. What I do know is how their actions have impacted me, and how compelled I have been to lovingly express that–even if we don’t know each other. As I have been thinking through these many experiences of blessings, I thought–Hey, why not share the goodness of these people with you! I truly believe that actions can be contagious–good begets good; bad begets bad. So, let’s share the GOOD actions of others and catch some ‘good behavior’ fever! What you are about to read I have already written and delivered. I invite you to get to know my ‘new friends’ through this blog-sharing of my correspondences.

Allow me to preface this letter with a bit of background.

As the plane begins to taxi, I feel familiar exhilaration, mixed with just a bit of apprehension. Once again, I find myself absolutely amazed and in awe of a wondrous ‘beast’ such as this. How can such a monstrosity become ‘lighter than air’; especially when filled with extra poundage?! From where I am seated, I can observe the many maneuvers of the wing mechanisms–so many pieces-parts to create and to manipulate! I begin to think about the thousands of planes that are doing the same thing–right now–all around the world. Incredible! And yet, God is MORE incredible. He is bigger than this beast of a plane. He is stronger. He is smarter than the people who crafted this machine. He is mightier. In fact, HE is the ultimate plane-maker. WHATEVER we do that is good; ALL that we do that is worthwhile is ONLY because of HIS enabling us. He puts the planes in the skies–all over the world! But I am still amazed at not only the aircraft itself, and the expertise to create it; but also by the pilots and their abilities to fly such a thing! Well, take off is successful! Now I breathe deeply and continue to praise and worship Jesus!

I love looking out a plane window. I love to see the layout of communities and cities; the appearance of perfectly planned and pruned neighborhoods–at least they look that way from the air! And then I think about God–the perfect planner and implementer. As the plane continues to make its ascent, and the map below gets increasingly smaller, I begin to try to picture God. He is so far beyond all that I am seeing out this window. He holds it all in the palm of His hand. On this particular day, the weather is very dismal. Upon entering the higher altitude, nothing can be seen due to traveling in such thick cloud cover. However, at an increased elevation, we break through much of that cloud cover, and the sun reveals itself in all of its glory. As I witness this transformation, I find myself softly singing, “Into marvelous light I’m running; out of darkness, out of shame. By the cross You are the truth, You are the life, You are the way!” (By Charlie Hall)

Oh, what a glorious flight experience! I decided to write a letter to the crew and give it to them on my way off the plane.

Dear Crew,

Thank you so much for doing all that you do–and so excellently. I don’t know what kinds of pressure you face in your jobs, but I am certainly appreciative of the ‘stress-less’ flight you all provided. The flight instructions at the beginning were worth the trip! My ears perked up when I heard the phrase “pretend to listen”–or something close to that. I knew I was about to hear some creative commentary!

I will never cease to be amazed at abilities to maneuver a monstrosity of a machine as if it’s lighter than air–and to do it so faithfully. I will also never cease to be amazed at your abilities to maneuver cups of coffee and other drinks through all kinds of potentially turbulent scenarios. Incredible!

Thank you, again, for your service to so many–time and time again. I’m so glad you choose to do what you do–for the benefit of all of us.

Most sincerely,

Libby Pacula

(Satisfied customer)

Galatians 5:22,23 says, “The Spirit produces the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. There is no law that says these things are wrong.” (NCV)

And so, whatever I do, I want to do it with faithful dedication for the purpose of blessing others.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Allow me to share another ‘Letters’ entry which tells you just a bit about my friend, Lisa. Here is the ‘set up’—

Quite some time ago I had planned to travel to the Kansas City, Missouri/Kansas area to visit with my mom and dad. Mom was placed in an ‘independent living’ facility about one year ago. At that time Dad was still living in their home about 3 ½ hours away. He then bought a small home in Kansas City and moved in last November. Over the next few months it became apparent that Mom would need to move into the ‘assisted living’ floor of her current ‘home’. Talking with her on the phone became more awkward and difficult for me because I couldn’t see her face or her responses during our conversations—if you could even call them ‘conversations’. They quickly became more like monologues from me! I just wanted to see her, one on one, and spend time with her—up close and personal. I talked with my family about it, and we made plans for me to travel to K.C. (God bless my adult daughter who stepped in and became ‘mom’ for the ten days that I was able to be gone!)

As my traveling days approached, I kept in touch with my dad and sister. I found out that some of my siblings were traveling with him to the ‘big’ house in which he and mom had lived to finish cleaning it out. I wanted to be a part of that process. (I had always promoted the cleaning technique of a dumpster and dynamite. Really—after a 59 year marriage in which practically EVERYTHING was moved from house to house each time our family relocated, blowing it all up seemed to me to be the simplest and most effective approach!) According to the ‘plan’, family would be working in the house for an entire week and then hauling whatever items were to be kept back to K.C. I decided to drive to the house and then drive with them to K.C. to be able to spend time with other family members, including my mother. I would then drive home from there. My plan was to drive each way in a day, which meant 12 hours of straight driving time on the trip out and 14 hours for the return trip home. This was going to be a real stretch for me since I am the type of person who is lulled to sleep pretty quickly when I am riding in the car as a passenger. I expressed my apprehension to some dear friends, requesting that they pray for me to make the right choices and for traveling safety. Enter Lisa—

Lisa e-mailed me to ask if flying would be better use of my time. She offered to let me use her flight rewards that she had accumulated. I was SO touched by her generosity! Sadly, I had to turn her down because I would need to fly into one city (which is a 3 hour plus drive for someone to pick me up) and fly out of another city to come home. Just not practical; but WOW, did I ever appreciate her offer!

Well—are you familiar with that old adage, ‘the best laid plans’? I called Dad to give him my final plans and found out that NO ONE was going to be at the house during that week when I had planned to be there—only during the weekend before and then returning the following Thursday to continue working through the next weekend. Inside I became quite agitated! I had worked through these plans so carefully and had communicated so intentionally, and now it looked as if MY timing was not going to line up with THEIR timing. As Dad and I continued to talk (and I kept MOST of my agitation inside instead of ‘vomiting’ it onto him), a new plan began to form in my mind. Instead of driving to the house, I could simply go to Kansas City and spend time with my family and mom; then drive with my family to the house to continue on with the purging process. We could then all drive back to K.C. together as originally planned. Following this new plan meant that I could FLY—both to and from K.C.! Time was not on my side at this point—but God was, and so was Lisa. I quickly contacted her to talk about her offer. She told me to find the right flights for me, and she would book them. And that is exactly what happened. Instead of driving alone for what would feel like endless and tiresome hours, I was able to fly. This also enabled me to spend more time with family. I truly believe God had this planned all along and placed Lisa in His plan because He knew of her generous and humble spirit. I am still in awe of what she so willingly did for me. Here is some of my correspondence with Lisa, my dear friend—for so many reasons!

Hi Lisa,

I received everything I need to be able to fly!! Thank you so much! I don’t know how this club thing works, but PLEASE let me know if you incur any expenses with this deal. I can’t tell you what all of this means to me. This ‘God-story’ is already spreading—my dad is absolutely thrilled (and relieved that I am not driving). You have also ‘bought’ me more time to be with my family. I know that was one of your thoughts—was spending that much time on the road the best use of time. I am telling you—there is so much more to the progression of this story that you don’t know about yet. Honestly, as I thought through this whole chain of events and pondered once again your generous offer to me, I pictured God saying (about you), “That’s My girl!” Who am I that you and He would do this beautiful thing for me? Oh yes, that’s right—I am a daughter of the one and only King of kings; and He used you, another one of His precious daughters to build me up. Oh my, I believe He just delights in His relationship with you! Your generosity has certainly helped to spur me on to do great and mighty things in this soon coming adventure. “—‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit’, says the Lord of hosts.” (Zech. 4:6)—thank you, Beth, for sharing that reference with me! Thank you, Lisa. You have been like glorified Zoloft to me!

Love you,

Libby

And so, whatever I do, I want to do it with a generous spirit as modeled so consistently by my dear friend, Lisa. I want to tell my world about her!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Lately it seems as if I have had so many encounters with people who have genuinely exhibited the fruit of the Holy Spirit of God. I don’t know if some of them are believers; in fact, some of them I don’t even know. What I do know is how their actions have impacted me, and how compelled I have been to lovingly express that-even if we don’t know each other. As I have been thinking through these many experiences of blessings, I thought-hey, why not share the goodness of these people with you! I truly believe that actions can be contagious-good begets good; bad begets bad. So, let’s share the GOOD actions of others and catch some ‘good behavior’ fever! What you are about to read I have already written and delivered. I invite you to get to know my ‘new friends’ through this blog-sharing of my correspondences.

Dear Jason,

Last week I needed to pick up my son, Darian from Hiland to get to an orthodontist appointment. I wasn’t prepared for the constant line of student traffic leaving the school as I was also attempting to leave. I put on my signal to pull out of my place in the ‘pick up’ line and waited.and waited.as the students kept buzzing past me, bumper to bumper, and NOT so slowly! It looked as if we would just need to wait until all of the cars had pulled out. Looking out, my side mirror revealed a blue pickup apparently stopping to let me in. I was grateful! After getting into the line of cars exiting the lot, I then joined the waiting long line in the left turn lane attempting to turn onto SR 39. (The right turn lane moved along very quickly!) I told Darian we were going to be late. As we continued to wait, I suddenly noticed a blue pickup out on SR 39. The young man had stopped and was waving all of us ‘left turners’ out onto the road in front of him. I told Darian how nice it was of that driver to do that. Darian said, “He’s in my study hall.” Then I said that I believed that truck was the same one that allowed me into the oncoming student traffic in the school parking lot. Darian told me who you are, and I told him that I think you intentionally allowed us parents to enter the line of traffic, then you made a quick right turn onto SR 39; turned around; came back out onto 39 to then stop and allow us ‘left turners’ a chance to get out onto that busy road.

Jason, your actions truly brightened our day and spurred me on to do kind things – I let several drivers out onto the road as I headed on through Berlin. I told Darian, “When you grow up, I want you to be just like Jason!”

Okay, even if you didn’t do any of this ‘on purpose’, you blessed us and gave Darian and me great stuff to chat about. (I often tell him to look for ways to be kind.) Thanks for your great example of kindness to us and to many others!

Most sincerely,

Mrs. Pacula

Galatians 5:22,23 says, “The Spirit produces the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. There is no law that says these things are wrong.” (NCV)

As I continue to grow, I want to be more like Jason.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

My friend called me the other day while she was driving to the east coast. I was not able to take her phone call and had to be content with just listening to the message that she left for me. I was SO glad I did not take the call; SO glad I had that precious message to hear and then to save. I wish you all could hear it. Let me tell you a bit about my friend. Crystal is several years younger than I am, and we really haven’t known each other for very long. I’m quite sure we are now life-long friends. In fact, I hope her heavenly home is right next to mine when we reach that final destination. Crystal is quite the newborn in her Christ-following faith, and she has the lungs of a newborn as well! She can really praise God with gusto! Before I go any further, I think I will listen to her message again and type it out for you. (See if you can ‘hear’ her praise and joy as she speaks this message to me with such a tear-filled tremble in her voice.)

“I just hit the halfway point. We knew this was going to be emotional. I’m driving through West Virginia, through the hills, listening to my Christian music, just bawling my eyes out; looking at this world, and just looking at what God has created. And, wow, if the next half of this drive is like this, then these next three weeks are just going to be absolutely mind-blowing. I am so overwhelmed right now, I just wept. I know God is going to get me there safely, because I know that these tears are just part of Him. And I just had to share it with you, and I hope you are getting all of this because-I know, I am just rambling-I wanted to tell you that I’m doing great; just rockin’ out, bawling my eyes out, and enjoying looking at His world! Love you, Good-bye!”

I only wish this typing could adequately translate Crystal’s message from my phone to your ears! It can’t!

Now, let me continue with my ‘Crystal’ story. Crystal grew up in a very questionable environment-plenty of dysfunction; various forms of abuse and neglect. She, like so many others, was a ‘victim’. Then she, the ‘victim’, became the ‘perpetrator’ as she skillfully learned how to victimize and manipulate other people-pretty much as a means of survival. Her behavior was less than lovely. She began to deal with very debilitating health issues. She was not known for having good character, especially in the areas of trustworthiness and honesty. As the story often goes, things went from bad to worse. (I look forward to the day when Crystal tells her story in its entirety!) Then, through a series of God-moments, Crystal met Jesus. No, I think Crystal collided with Jesus! I think He stood in her way; she ran into Him; He caught her, and hasn’t let her go! As bold as she was in her ‘sin-life’, Crystal is just as bold in her ‘Jesus-life’. Oh, she’ll be the first to tell you that she is so far from where she desires to be; she messes up. She is like a child as she continues to learn and to grow, and I am SO proud of her. Crystal is pursuing reconciliation with ALL of the people to whom she became estranged over the years. She is pursuing right relationships, and she is bringing God into each one of them. She still has issues from her past that are being revealed to her. She is working through being both a ‘victim’ and a ‘perpetrator’. She is learning much about needing to forgive others and needing to be forgiven by others. She is definitely a work in process, and she readily and humbly admits that. When I received her message on my phone, I was filled with the joy that a mother feels when she knows that she knows that she knows her child is going to be just fine! Crystal’s faith is contagious, and I’m blessed to be a part of her faith journey-even when that journey feels like a rickety roller coaster! (Yes, just like a child, I can get exasperated with her!)

But on this current journey of hers, Crystal didn’t need me to travel with her, and she certainly wasn’t alone. God was traveling through the hills of West Virginia that day, and He was on His way to the east coast! I’m looking forward to being encouraged and inspired by more of her God-moments.

No matter where you are on your journey, God is right there with you and for you.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I’m writing this as I just got home from, of all things-dancing! I am completely exhausted, but wide awake. Dancing really kicks in the adrenaline and energizes the body! (Since I am so NOT a morning person, I’m thinking I should dance as soon as the alarm sounds!) Even though I have cooled down, my clothes are quite damp with perspiration. Okay, maybe I am giving too much information, but I totally enjoyed this experience, and I earned every drop of sweat! Our daughter, Jessica had begun attending these dances (which are held in various locations once per month) with her friends, and she is absolutely enthralled with the whole concept.

For some reason, she thought her mom and dad might be as well. And she was right! This dance experience is known as ‘contra dancing’. I guess I would describe it as ‘glorified square dancing with some waltzing and minuet-ing thrown in as well’-quite the description. Mike, Katrina, and I decided to meet Jessica at the Grange hall in Wooster to give this whole thing a try. A group of her friends, whom we had yet to meet face to face, were also going to be there. They were driving two hours to get to dance!

Jessica had shown us pictures of this friendly group as they had danced together in the past months, and we were quite eager to actually meet them. I was also quite nervous as I listened to her ‘brief’ us on what to expect. Such as-you constantly change partners; you need to look your partner right in the eyes; everything happens so quickly; and EVERYONE SWEATS! She also shared how she was nervous and reluctant at first, but the experience becomes so exhilarating. Jessica tried contra dancing because this particular group of friends had been involved with it for some time, and they encouraged her to join them. Her trust in their character, and their caring for her, enabled her to go in spite of her nerves. Now it was my turn to be in her previous position. My trust in her character, and her caring for Mike, Katrina, and me, completely enabled us to want to take this risk.

We arrived to a roomful of strangers and no Jessica or her friends. We immediately made our way to chairs against the FARTHEST wall and sat down. Not for long though. People came over to introduce themselves and to welcome us. They certainly did not push us at all, but we felt so encouraged by them to just join in. We grabbed our partners and began the learning process. From the moment we began, we hardly sat down (except for a much needed refreshment break in the middle of the evening). Each person there, both novice and experienced, exhibited such a sense of ‘community’. Those who were more experienced willingly partnered with those of us who were clueless. The two teachers were so kind, gracious, and patient; always encouraging. Everyone then became a ‘teacher’ of everyone else. We all helped each other to ‘get it’. We talked with one another, coached one another, and yes, looked each other right in the eyes-especially during the swings. (This helps you to not get dizzy!) I didn’t even notice when Jessica and her friends arrived. I was now completely into this dancing! But what a joy to see her and to meet all of them. What a joy to be able to have this experience with them-truly one of the finest multi-generational bonding opportunities.

We began dancing at about 7:20 in the evening, and finished just after 10:30. Was I ready to be done? As the song says, “I could have danced all night.” None of us were strangers any longer. We were true helpers to one another, pulling for each other, wanting each person to succeed, and then cheering for one another constantly. It was absolutely exhilarating to watch us go from a motley mix to a unified team. We weren’t perfect, but we all were beautiful. It was an evening filled with joy and laughter. It was an evening that included time to just talk with others and begin to get to know them on a deeper level.

I’m hooked. I don’t know if it is because of the dancing itself, or the sense of community that comes with it. I’m sure it’s both. I honestly felt like this was a glimpse into heaven with such sweet fellowship with these people, especially with my family and my daughter’s friends. I will tell you that I was experiencing 1 Thessalonians 5:11-”Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up; just as in fact you are doing.” I will also tell you this-I should have discovered this long ago. As an insulin dependent diabetic, my blood sugar levels were in such danger of plummeting due to the intense exercise I was getting. I actually ate plenty WITHOUT taking any extra insulin during the evening, and my blood sugar levels remained excellent. I was pumped!

It was an evening I will never forget and certainly hope to repeat many more times. As I sit and type and continue to cool down, I must admit that I am thinking I won’t be able to move in the morning!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Every once in a while I clean my house-hard to believe. Recently, when that happened, I was looking through a book on my bedside table. I know-what does THAT have to do with cleaning? Nothing really; I just get sidetracked. This day I was glad I did because it would soon turn into a cool collision with God. The book I picked up to glance through is one I had once read so much that some of the pages are close to falling out. It is a book of daily inspirational readings written by W. Glyn Evans. Although it has remained on my little table, I had tucked it away in a small pile of books long ago. On this particular day, I leafed through it and stopped on the reading for April 5-don’t know why-maybe the title of the reading caught my eye: “Loving Our Loved Ones Properly”. As I read, I welled up with tears and was deeply moved by the bold-faced truth of what this author was writing. Let me share a piece of it with you.

“As a disciple of Jesus Christ I must come to terms with my family, my loved ones. My natural tendency is to become dependent upon them-upon my wife for physical comfort, my children for companionship. If I do this, I am going against everything that characterizes the discipled man. The key word is dependence. God has graciously given me a wife and children, but they must not be my dependence.

I must relate to my loved ones as Abraham related to his son Isaac. On Moriah, Abraham was willing to sacrifice his dearest possession. So I must consign my loved ones to the altar, I must sacrifice them, I must give them up. I must cut clean the lines of dependency forever.

To be dependent means to be vulnerable to tragedy. I have seen many of God’s children devastated because they built their lives on their loved ones, and then God called the loved ones home! I must always live, in a sense, as if God had already called my loved ones home. I must always place the shadow of the cross over their fair faces.

This does not mean loving my dear ones less, or enjoying them less. It simply means I cannot love them without putting Jesus between us. And it reserves the right for Him as the third party to control the relationship.” (Daily With the King by W. Glyn Evans)

This reading really wowed me because it has always been the way I have truly believed. I can connect completely with the importance of choosing this point of view. As I closed the book, I noticed that I had once upon a time written “April 5″ right inside the front of the book. I then realized that years ago, I had also ‘connected’ with this same reading.

Fast forward to a few days later. It’s dirt bike riding season! (For my son; NOT for me!) Darian asked me to take video to document the first day of him riding the Honda 250R that he just bought. I said ‘yes’ and attempted to look very excited. Actually, I am excited for him; it’s just that dirt bike riding holds such huge risks in this momma’s mind. As I ran the camera, following his every move, jump, and wheelie; I had to intentionally NOT add my own anxiety-filled commentary. I had to focus on keeping the camera focused instead of allowing it to shake with my longing to cringe. As I watched my son ride, I kept an open dialogue going with God. You know what He impressed upon me? He is my son’s Daddy-just as He is mine. He loves Darian more than I ever can-THAT seems impossible to me, knowing how much I love my son-and yet I absolutely know that it is true. And then, the April 5^th reading came flooding through my being. What was the root of my fear and anxiety? Nothing changes the fact that my son has chosen a risk-filled hobby. (Why he didn’t take my advice to participate in competitive chess, I just can’t figure out!) What does change is my attitude toward it. God reminded me that I ‘laid each of my children on His altar’ at the moment of the gift of their births-and have revisited that many times. He reminded me that while I may not be comfortable with this choice that Darian is making, I cannot change this choice. What I can do is process through all that Darian is experiencing with him. And that is what we are doing. I shared with Darian my rediscovery of that April 5^th reading and how God used it to bring me back to a much larger God-perspective. I told my son that he is so good at riding that bike. I told him that I believe he is careful, wise, and in control of all that he can be. Then we talked about some of the things he CANNOT control-but God can and will. We talked about accidents and death-these things happen of course. How beautiful to know that no matter how; no matter when; the death of a Christ follower is truly a promotion into the highest level of living with God! Ultimately, what could be better?! We do not know what we will face-even in the next moment; but God does, and He is ready and waiting to put into us whatever ‘arsenal’ of equipment we will need to handle it.

Do I still have moments of anxiety and cringing when I watch my talented son ride? YOU BET!! I just keep focusing on the fact that Daddy is watching him right along with me, and He knows all about each and every ride.You know, I really do believe that as much as my son is elated to ride and enjoying it so much, His heavenly Daddy is smiling and enjoying watching ‘our’ son even more! “Lord, help me to know and delight in Your Presence each moment that we watch Darian together.”

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Over the weekend my family went to Canton to do some shopping. I am able to say ‘family’ because our son went along as well, and he went WILLINGLY. How does THAT happen? Especially when he claims that he breaks out in hives and can’t breathe when we walk into Kohls. (He associates Kohls with CLOTHES shopping-yuck!) This trip, however, was very different for us. This trip was all about ELECTRONICS-a laptop and wireless router. Okay, we also picked up a much needed dehumidifier. I got excited about that purchase! Now, here is a very cool part of our trip. We had researched all of these items for quite some time and were now in a financial position to be able to make the purchases. The laptop of choice was now on sale, and we were armed and ready. When we got to the store, we discovered that the laptop was discounted an additional $110.00! Truly this was the perfect choice for us. We decided to have the famed Geek Squad install everything that we needed-for an additional cost, of course; but it was certainly worth it to us. However, they said it would take 24 hours to do so. That was okay with us except that we would need to make another trip to Canton simply to pick up the computer-didn’t like that! That ‘sweet Geek’ went to start the paperwork and found that the store had ONE of those laptops that had already had all of the installations recently done; so we got to take it home with us right away-sweet! We walked out of that store feeling amazingly good about our purchases and thanked God right there in the parking lot for His guidance and provision. Now it was time to eat-that’s always a great part of a trip anywhere.

We headed to a nearby Wendy’s, and each of us got one of the current $2.99 value meals. (We are all such a cheap date!) One of the things that we talked about was how good it feels to know that you waited to make a purchase (or two!) until just the right time. That is such a hard thing to do! As we ate and talked I kept observing the team of employees as they served both the customers and one another. They really did such a fine job. I loved watching them as they worked behind the scenes, did clean up duty, opened doors for moms with babies, smiled, and exhibited great courtesy and politeness, even to one another. They were all so young, including the manager. I felt as if I was a proud mom watching them. And then (my family KNEW this was coming), I just had to tell them. Do you know the joy that comes from letting someone know how much you notice and appreciate how well they are doing their job? I love to see the looks on strangers’ faces when they are sincerely affirmed. It is as if that kind of encouragement acts like a ‘makeover’ for them. Their smiles become even larger; their eyes more bright; and their already fine treatment of the customers becomes even finer! As I walked out the door I smiled and waved and fully expected the rest of their night to be just a bit sweeter-even if rough times were yet to come. Sincere and intentional encouragement is just the right tool for helping someone to glide a bit more smoothly through those rough spots.

When Mike, Darian, and I went to Florida over spring break-with about 180 high school band and choir students(!)-we took them all to Ron Jon’s Surf Shop. Can you imagine that many students shopping in one place?! The students were so great, but that scenario holds much potential for STRESS on the part of the employees. I had the privilege of observing one young man who worked diligently, kindly, and tirelessly as he served one student after another-after another, after another, and you get the picture! Chris did an amazing job, and as I watched him I again remember feeling like a proud mom. So-I just had to tell him what I thought. The look on his face was priceless. He was like a little child who had just been told he had won a lifetime supply of candy for being the best kid in the world! As I kept making my way throughout the store keeping track of students here and there, my peripheral vision would catch a glimpse of Chris looking at me and smiling-and then continuing to serve others with such genuine kindness, which I do believe had grown even more! Again, that is what sincere encouragement will do for another. Encouragement acts as ‘fuel’, and it enables the ‘encouraged’ to then become the ‘encourager’ in the lives of others.

Please, please know that I am NOT telling you any of this to glorify myself or my efforts. God has grown this desire to be an encourager/affirmer within me. It hasn’t always come easily-and still doesn’t many times. I just know how important encouragement and affirmation are and how drawn I am to people who should be the receivers of such. (Honestly though, I can be so guilty of NOT being an encourager/affirmer of others! I could write a whole book about that!) And so I will close by encouraging YOU to take a risk-encourage and affirm someone today. “Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” –1 Thess. 5:11

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Another birthday has come and gone-but who’s counting?! Honestly, it took the texting of friends’ “happy birthday!” to remind me of the occasion. Even when my daughter called me to say “happy birthday”, I was again reminded that I had not given it much thought before or during the ‘special’ day. For me, it is a day just like any other, and that’s the way I like it. I truly don’t want any extra or special attention simply because it is my birthday. After all, EVERYBODY has a birthday. Nobody did anything special to create or to deserve this special day. Actually, for me, THOSE thoughts are the very things that make expressions of “happy birthday” so special. Knowing that our birthdays are certainly something over which we had no control, and every person shares this event at some point in each year; I choose the perspective of “I am saying ‘happy birthday’ to you because I want you to know how glad I am that you were born. I am blessed to have you as part of my life, and I want you to know it. I am so thankful for you.” I hope I don’t express these thoughts (in a variety of ways) ONLY on someone’s anniversary of their birth, but throughout the year as well. I also hope that I make my previously stated perspective of ‘thankfulness’ for that person’s birthday very clear to them. Perspective is always so important!

I was reminded of this as my daughters and I were talking about a birthday gift that my husband gave to me many years ago. It was a book entitled “Lord, Change Me!” by Evelyn Christenson. Now, may I ask you to imagine how I FELT like responding to a book by that title?! “LORD, CHANGE ME!” How dare my husband buy me a book-on my birthday-without consulting me first-that speaks of ME needing to be changed! I was ticked!! Thankfully (only by the grace of God!), I did not react out of my state of ‘ticked-ed-ness’. (I know, that’s not a word, but it works for me.) I did, however; after some deep breaths, some S-O-S prayers, and a bit of time; talk with Mike about how I felt. What was he trying to tell me with that particular book choice? Is there a problem with me? I didn’t feel as if he was affirming me on my birthday at all. What’s going on here?! Are you ready for his response? He really didn’t pay much attention to the TITLE. He paid attention to the AUTHOR. He explained further. At that time I had recently completed a book study by the same author and had absolutely LOVED it. I had shared much of it with him and how much the study meant to me. I had also shared how much I had learned from Evelyn. And so, THAT was his ‘take away’ from our conversations. He tucked the ‘author’ information away and chose to surprise me with what he perceived as just the right gift for my birthday. He was excited to be able to give me what he thought was a gift with a very personal touch.

The problem was that of perspective. I considered the title of the book while he considered the author. I felt as if he was attempting to find a way to tell me that I desperately needed to change (which I’m sure I did, but that wasn’t his point!); he was simply choosing a gift that he felt would mean so much to me because of my love of this author’s work. After talking through this whole ordeal, I realized he had given me an even greater gift-the gift of listening well and then saving that information for just the right time with which to surprise me. Had we NOT talked through this, I would have never known our difference in perspectives that day. THAT would have been potentially tragic to our relationship.

Since then, there have been MANY times when our perspectives have differed. I have thought “is he that dense that he is just not getting my message?!” And then I am reminded that he could certainly have the same thoughts toward me. We have different brains; different minds; different families of origin; different life experiences. Not just he and I, but ALL of us. And ALL of that makes a difference regarding our perspective. I must remind myself as I remind others: stop; think; consider the perspective of another so that we may learn from one another instead of being so easily offended by one another.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I just had another one of THOSE moments that reveals an area of confusion or stress or selfishness or any other ‘uncomfortable’ characteristic inside of me. I just received a letter from one of my sisters giving me an update on our mother. (She wrote the update and then made copies for each sibling.) Through past correspondence I knew this was coming; just didn’t know when or what it would look like. Anyway, Mom has been moved from her independent living apartment to an assisted living one. This new ‘home’ is in the same complex, which is wonderful. My sister even made sure Mom’s new apartment is the same layout and look of the previous one. She and more of my family who live in the Kansas City area moved the furnishings and put everything in the same location as it was before. Mom probably doesn’t even know that she has moved. She hasn’t even said anything to me about it when I speak with her over the phone. (I still haven’t had the courage to ask her if she even knows who I am. I just say, “Hi Mom; this is Libby-etc., etc.”)

When we moved Mom into the original facility one year ago, we talked about the idea of having each sibling contribute financially to her care. Nothing was set in stone, so to speak, but a determined monthly donation would certainly be helpful. Inwardly I fidgeted and groaned and fought against that. I prayed and talked with my husband (very gracious and generous man). Although we certainly had not budgeted for anything such as this, I wrote a check. I continued to pray. Most of what was going through my mind was, “I did not sign up for having to pay for my mom’s care…especially since Dad is still around.” But that is another chapter with both miserable and joyful stuff-okay, maybe it’s a whole other book. As time went by, I began to think and truly feel that, yes, Mike and I could contribute that monthly amount. I became excited to be able to help; to know that God would show us how and where to sacrifice to do so. I was both humbled and honored to give toward the care of this woman whom I will always rise up and call blessed.

Then came the aforementioned letter. My sister (who, I must add, is an amazing woman and has worked so selflessly and diligently to care for Mom) included in the update a financial breakdown of what it would cost to now care for Mom. The monthly contribution needs to be more than double. OUCH!! My first reaction was right back to my initial reaction one year ago. “She is not my responsibility! I need to take care of MY family! This is not, nor will it ever be, in our budget!” I could go on. Bottom line-if we siblings don’t contribute to this degree, we don’t know what will become of Mom’s care. I will say that as siblings, we are all very open to doing things differently-finding other options for care, etc. My main reason for blogging about this is that I am once again reminded that just when I think I am ‘getting it all together’, something happens to show me that my ‘getting it all together’ can often be based upon rather selfish motives-maybe looking for a more comfortable life; maybe thinking that all that we have strived to obtain and to achieve is all for us. It could be any number of things. There is much that has happened in the brief history of Mom’s journey into the darkness of dementia. Much that should have/could have been done differently to prevent what now feels like such a financial mess. Believe me, I would LOVE for it all to be so different. But it is what it is. And so now I am revisiting those same feelings of yuck from one year ago. BUT, I am trusting that God will show me once again what His desire and design are for this situation. He has already enabled me to relax and to not be consumed by this new thing. I am trusting that as I lay all of this before Him-again-He will put His desires into me, and I will again be completely excited to do things HIS way. As I am typing this, the song “Hungry” is going through my being.

Hungry, I come to You for I know You satisfy.

I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry.

So I wait for You. So wait for You.

I’m falling on my knees

Offering all of me.

Jesus, you’re all this heart is living for.

Broken, I run to You for Your arms are open wide.

I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life.

So I wait for You. So I wait for You.

I’m falling on my knees

Offering all of me.

Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for.

(1999 Vineyard Songs/Words & Music by Kathryn Scott)

He’s given me everything good that I am and all that I have, including the wonderful blessings of my parents and family. May I always choose to gladly and willingly give it all back to Him and wait for His perfect next move. “God-Father, Son, and Holy Spirit-You are amazingly good to me. Thank You for letting me express to You what You already know. Thank You for being in complete control. Thank You for letting me be Yours.”

And thank YOU for reading,

Libby

I did it-I finished yet another long-term sub position while the classroom teacher was on maternity leave. For me, these jobs have two things in common with one another. One-the students are precious. Two-the documentation/standardized testing is not. Oh well. As I have taught over the years, I have found another commonality among students. For the most part, they truly do love it when their ‘regular’ teacher is able to come back. I have found this to be true especially among the younger students. “When is Mrs. So-and-So coming back?” “Is tomorrow the day?” These questions are asked with large-eyed eagerness, accompanied by such a sweet smile. I respond with appropriate affirmation of that teacher. “She’ll be back next Monday, and I’m so glad you are excited. I know she is excited to see you!” Etc., etc., etc. I must admit, while I am giving those answers-with an intentionally placed smile upon my face, there is an underlying voice within me that says, “What’s wrong with ME?” “Don’t you want ME to be your teacher?” While this voice has lessened somewhat each time, it is still there. Bottom line-I want to be wanted. Rock bottom line-sometimes I want to be even BETTER than that regular teacher. OUCH!! That is one tough confession. I need to also clarify that, without exception, the students have always made it very clear to me that they love having me for their teacher; many have even said, “I wish we could have both of you!” Those are such kind and selfless words coming from such young hearts and minds. I love it. I love them.

As I have experienced these conflicts of emotions over my substitute teaching years-wanting to be wanted while not undermining the authority of and the respect for the teachers-I have kind of equated it to the words of John the Baptizer when he said, “He (Jesus) must become greater, and I must become less.” (John 3:30) John was speaking to people who were quite in tune with his leadership and were devoted to him. They may have even thought that John was allowing himself to take too much of a back seat to Jesus. Hmmm-perhaps they were even envious of Jesus’ success. John handled this so well with his response to them. (Read all about it!) Why? I believe (at least in part) it was because he knew his role; his purpose. He knew he was to prepare the way for the Lord; to prepare people’s minds and hearts to receive Jesus. John was not the Savior; he was not the King of kings and the Lord of lords. And he let people know this. In John 1: 19, 20 we read “Now this was John’s testimony when the Jews of Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to ask him who he was. He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, ‘I am not the Christ.‘” And vs. 23 says, “John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, ‘I am the voice of one calling in the desert-make straight the way for the Lord.’” John’s purpose was clear. My purpose in teaching is clear. I need to show Jesus to the students through my words, attitudes, and actions. I need to enable them to be prepared for the ‘next thing’-whatever that may be-including the return of their teacher.

So whether I am teaching or parenting (is there really a difference?!) or simply being a friend, I must maintain the same ‘John’ attitude-”He (Jesus) must become greater, and I (Libby) must become less. I want God to always help me to prepare others for their ‘next thing’; to be able to walk away with hugs, kisses, and “I love you’s” when the time is right; and to be available with wise counsel and a listening ear when necessary.

So I walked out of yet another classroom, at the end of my time there, with a smile on my face and love in my heart for those children, knowing that I had done what I was called to do. I do need to say though that the smile still hides a small sense of sadness as I say ‘good bye’. It is time to move on to my ‘next thing’. I pray that I will do that next thing well-for the sake of making the greatness of Jesus known!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Okay, I think I’ve figured out why I don’t blog more often. It’s not because I don’t have anything to say. It’s because I have TOO much to say, and much of it should only be shared in dialogue between my heavenly Daddy and me. (Although, sometimes I wonder if that ‘dialogue’ is more often a ‘monologue’ where HE does most of the listening.) Unfortunately, all too often I choose to share-just because I can-and the result of that can then leave me feeling crummy. It kind of goes like this-”Why did I EVER say something like that?” Or maybe-”Why did I EVER say it in THAT way; with THAT choice of words; in THAT tone of voice?!” Etc, etc,– Do you get my meaning? (I don’t blame you if you don’t.) Often the problem seems to be that I know what I mean, but when my thoughts come out of my mouth as actual words, my grasp of the English language suddenly goes AWOL.

Not only that, but another problem (ouch!) is that sometimes (okay, a lot!) I just like to talk. When someone is sharing, then I have to share as well. I tend to get pretty passionate in my ‘sharing’, and that can definitely come across as ‘self-centered’ and ‘personal agenda going on’. I am intentionally biting my tongue a whole lot more. (I’m sure my dear friends who might be reading this could be saying, “You are?! I didn’t notice!”) Believe it or not, I HAVE gotten better! I truly desire to be the best possible listener that I can be. I desire to season my words with grace, mercy, and love; and to always know that the main ingredient is truth (Colossians 4:6). I desire to say only what will build up others (1 Thessalonians 5:11), even when ‘others’ need to be chastised. While that is absolutely necessary-chastisement, accountability, etc., (all of those uncomfortable wordsJ), it must be done with great discernment and appropriateness. Throughout the years, one of my oft-repeated prayers has been, “Lord, PLEASE help them to separate the wheat from the chaff of what I just said.” And I am MOST sincere about that.

So, here is another blog from me-hopefully without any unnecessary offenses-that needs to come to a close. And that reminds me of another reason why I don’t blog too often. I always start out with such an intentional line of thought, and somewhere along the road that leads toward ‘Blogdom’, my internal GPS gets a little loopy, and I end up feeling as though I am aimlessly wandering through a city of streets that doesn’t make any sense at all-kind of like Pittsburgh. I just don’t want my random ramblings to become a ‘roadblock’ for anyone who chooses to ride along with me! Oh, how often I have prayed Psalm 141:3, “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” To paraphrase ala Libby, “When necessary, KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!”

I do love to share, and I do love to listen! I love to hear people’s stories. I just love to spend time with people. Thanks for spending your time with me!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Watching any Olympic event generally amazes me-how do they do that?! It doesn’t matter to me if someone comes in first, last, or falls and is disqualified; each one is incredibly talented. I do think what fascinates me so much, though, is those who DO fall, get back up, and finish the race-whatever that race may be. These heart-touching stories happen during every Olympics-not just this current series. As I watch a figure skater bobble or wipe out completely, I ask myself, “How do they go on? Could I do that? Could I fall and get back up as if nothing happened, to finish the event?” What about the athletes who completely fail in one event, but have to come back to complete in yet another one? What goes through their minds? My heart aches for them, and my spirit is so encouraged by them. These are people who have disciplined themselves to do whatever it takes to be successful and effective in what they believe their purpose is. Now I may or may not agree with their regimens of discipline or with other life choices that they make, but I most certainly respect their commitment to follow through until the job is done. Not only do these Olympic competitors prepare well, but they willingly take the huge risk of ‘failing’ in such a public, world wide way! Would I be as willing to be that vulnerable-simply to be able to possibly win a medal?

I would like to think that for each of the Olympians, winning a medal is NOT about winning a medal. Rather, it is about achieving their most excellent best-something that does not come overnight, but over time. The medal represents all of the sacrifice, hard work, discipline, heartache, hurts and injuries that each has endured because they know they MUST. And they do it without any guarantee of any prize. Please know that I am not making any of them out to be superhuman, or even a good person-merely based upon their accomplishments. Being a good person of good character can only be determined by what’s in one’s heart, mind, and soul-places into which we cannot see. However, one’s actions, behaviors, and accomplishments can give us deep insight into one’s character. These things are how one’s character is manifested-or how character, or the lack of character, ‘shows up’. But aside from any ‘character’ issue, I have much to learn from these competitors. They cannot do what they do without a deep sense of commitment, devotion, loyalty, self-sacrifice, and just plain hard work. I would like to believe that the proverbial carrot that dangles in front of their noses is one of intrinsic personal excellence rather than only the possibility of an extrinsic reward. Why do they do what they do-over and over, fall after fall, loss after loss, injury after injury? I would need to ask each one of them to know for sure. The inspiration I get from them is to never give up when I am doing what has been placed in front of me to do. Whatever age I am and in whatever stage of life I find myself, can I be committed to the tasks at hand? Will I run my race and finish my course, regardless of how it feels, how uncomfortable it might get, or how many times I might stumble, fall, or even fail? Will I choose to continually trust my heavenly Father-the ‘Coach’ who has designed my course-to enable and to equip me to finish well? I believe as I continue to discipline myself in following my Coach and His ways, He will continue to fulfill the purposes that He has put into me. And I am only ONE of His many team members. YOU are another-and He will do the same for you! Talk with Him; tell Him what is on your mind and in your heart; ask Him questions-simple and hard; ask for His guidance; take time to listen as He coaches you through your personal Olympic events.

“.let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

-Hebrews 12:1-3

Be encouraged!!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Just when I think I can’t do one more day of substitute teaching, something happens that reminds of why I do what I do. Currently I am doing a long-term position in one of the resource rooms. If you don’t know what that is, it is the room that caters to the ‘special needs’ students; formerly known as ‘mentally retarded/developmentally disabled’ (MRDD); formerly known as some other acronym before that one; and I’m quite sure there have been other equally confusing acronyms. Presently the room I am in is known as ‘PRRB’ (primary resource room b-I have no idea what the ‘b’ stands for). The label changes happen over time due to negative connotations that become associated with the particular name. This kind of thing happens all the time in many areas. And believe me-it can get ridiculous. When children are divided into small groups, they are not called ‘A’ group, ‘B’ group, and ‘C’ group. Oh no-that could make a ‘C’ group child feel like they are just not as good as an ‘A’ group child, even though the letter names are simply used as a way of labeling the groups-NOT the abilities. So, we might give them names of animals instead. ‘Bears’, ‘Turtles’, and ‘Rabbits’. Wait a minute-that’s not going to work either. The ‘Turtles’ will think they are SLOWER than the other two groups. See what I mean? I’ve often thought, can’t we just come up with names and not read anything into them. The kids don’t seem to pay any attention as to whether they are ‘A, B, C’ or ‘X, Y, Z’. But I digress.

Getting back to my classroom-you can rename this class all you want; load it down with initials, but it won’t matter. The students will always know that they are ‘different’. There is something about them that doesn’t ‘fit’ into the other classes-and that knowledge does not come from the label on the classroom door.

Today I was working with my second and third graders while my first graders were at recess with the ‘regular’ two first grade classes. When they returned, Tyler was in tears (he’s very tender hearted.) As he wiped his eyes and nose with his handkerchief (yes, you read that right-sweet little cotton handkerchief), he sputtered words which I knew I needed to attempt to understand and interpret. I stopped what I was doing with the rest of the class, and we listened to Tyler. Long story short-he never got chosen to be ‘it’ in the game. I talked with him and with the class about how disappointing that can be and how much that can hurt; but we do need to remember that we will probably not be chosen when we want to be, and it really is not up to us. We share, take turns, blah, blah, blah. It will happen. We need to be good team players no matter what. Well-then the rest of the class shared that ‘no’, it will not happen. They never get chosen by the students. When they shared this, they didn’t share it with anger, bitterness, or even sadness. They shared it as if they simply accepted it as ‘the way it is-normal’. My heart broke for them. I didn’t want to dishonor their schoolmates-especially not having experienced any of this first hand, so I talked with them about the possibility that the children were not being mean or intentional about not choosing them. Could it be that the children simply don’t think about choosing them because they are not around my students much during the day? Could it be that it has nothing to do with ‘liking them or NOT liking them’? Yes, they agreed with my ideas. I did too! I firmly want to believe that while, yes, there are some students who intentionally and deliberately mistreat and bully others; most DON’T. We also talked about really being aware of how it feels when you believe you have been left out, mistreated, bullied, etc-whether or not it is intentional. Use those feelings to remind you NOT to treat others in that same way.

In the midst of this chit-chat, they also shared that when they are chosen to do anything, they are chosen last. I could tell that was a bummer to all of them, and they really don’t see any possibility of change. I sat myself down on one of the desks-felt like I was closer to them-and said, “Do you know what the Bible tells us?” And then I paraphrased (very loosely I am sure, but I just wanted them to get it!!), “God tells us that if you feel like you are always last, someday He is going to make you FIRST! Isn’t that good news?!” Wow-the smiles, the light in their eyes, and even a renewed sense of ‘okay, let’s get back to work now!’ was priceless. I just wanted to cry-and hug them-and kiss them-and take them all home with me. (Okay, honestly-I’d want to return them a few minutes later! Not because of who they are, but just because I’m TIRED at the end of the school day!!)

I felt energized-by them-by their sweet honesty and vulnerability. I felt energized-by God-as He equipped me to give them what they needed in such a moment. I hope I never get so bogged down by the ‘paper pushing predicament’ of being a school teacher nowadays, that I ignore-or don’t even notice-those teachable moments that build into a child’s character and wisdom; and then take full advantage of them. “Thank You, Lord, for giving me Your gentle reminder of why I do what I do. Please, please, please help me to LOVE these children as You do. Help me, no matter HOW I am feeling, to treat each day as an opportunity to invest in them rather than to simply be in the classroom with them.”

Thanks for allowing me to share my experience. You are most gracious for reading about it!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Making corrections-don’t you just hate that?! It can seem so time consuming. I do substitute teaching, and one of the things I tell the students (okay, maybe I nag them) is that one of the best ways to learn is to learn how to make ‘intentional’ corrections. Having to correct one’s mistakes is often a way of ‘cementing’ what is right instead of simply leaving it wrong and hoping you remember to get it right the next time. I deal with making corrections daily in many areas but one in particular is with my insulin pump.

When I first received the pump I immediately developed a ‘love/hate’ relationship with it. I loved the fact that I would (hopefully) have better control over type 1 diabetes, but I hated the fact that I needed to have the pump at all. I am dependent upon it doing what it was designed to do, and I truly am thankful for the genius minds that developed such technology! One of the great advantages of the pump is that it has a ‘correction’ button…isn’t that GREAT! When my blood glucose level is too high, all I have to do is enter the level into the pump, push the correction button, and TA-DA!!-the pump releases just the right amount of insulin to make the adjustment.

Wow, can you imagine if ‘life’ had correction buttons that worked that way?! You spent more than your paycheck – push that correction button, and your cash flow just increased. You accidentally ran out of gas (how does anyone ‘accidentally’ run out of gas anyway?) – push the magic button, and fresh fuel flows into your gas tank. You accidentally eat an entire bag of potato chips (YES, it is possible to do that ‘accidentally’, I am quite sure!) – press that button, and the correct number of calories to be burned is immediately extracted from your body! How about if you verbally spouted off some of that toxic waste about which Missy blogged – push the correction button, and those words of poison are turned into words of wisdom. This imaginary list of possibilities is endless!!

But here’s the rub of reality: If I only rely on pushing that correction button on my insulin pump WITHOUT disciplining myself to make the necessary lifestyle changes so that I don’t need to press that button so often, it won’t take long before my entire body is in trouble. Relying on external corrections without making necessary internal changes is what I would call ‘couch potato corrections ‘- and it’s not very smart. It can even be dangerous. With diabetes, that kind of mentality can lead to problems that sneak up on me – little by little; maybe even without much notice until the complications become overwhelming and even irreversible. If I choose to see the correction button as a ‘quick fix’ instead of a chastisement that compels me to make a change in ME rather than in my insulin pump alone, then all I will eventually accomplish is ignoring what is really happening inside my body to the extent that it could be a very present danger. Hmmm – not much different than other ‘quick fixes’.

Let’s take a look at some possibilities. Spending more than your paycheck? Quick fix – simply use a credit card to ‘buy’ you more time. Bad idea – been there, done that, still paying for it! Is habitual gluttony or unhealthy food choices a problem? Quick fix – enjoy it, and then do some extra exercise! Okay, you might feel justified on the outside, but even with exercise, the ongoing problem of gluttony/unhealthy food choices causes internal problems which will still sneak up on you. Whatever the area is that begs for correction, without the necessary accompanying internal changes, we are destined to suffer the consequences. Recognizing and admitting areas in need of correction is a great place to begin. That is the ‘external’. However, all of this must be accompanied by an ongoing and intentional process of repentance – which literally means to turn and go the other way. That is the ‘internal’. I need to CHOOSE to turn away from foods that negatively affect me. I need to CHOOSE to exercise properly. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Here’s a cool thought – wouldn’t it be nice if Jesus functioned as our ‘correction button’? WOW!! He does – and He doesn’t! He brings ultimate correction to us by the forgiving of our sins and by His work of cleansing us from ALL unrighteousness. He is truly the only One who can do all of that. But, if He made the ongoing, daily corrections in us without our active participation and cooperation – as if He were waving a magic wand, what would we learn? How would we truly mature? Most importantly – how would we become more Christ-like? All of that would simply be ‘couch potato corrections’ – unhealthy! Dealing well with tough situations that require corrections is really an EASY choice – yes, an easy choice with perhaps difficult and disciplined follow-up. The ‘choice’ itself can certainly be easy. It’s the work that goes along with that choice that is the hard part! As with anything though, the more we work at it, the easier it becomes – and the stronger we become. When we choose to do the work, then we are truly making corrections that will stick, because we are making them from the inside out.

So, I am going to choose well; and I am going to start-tomorrow!! (Just kidding!)

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Recently there has been much written on this website about STUFF-trash, messes, clutter, etc. At the risk of sounding repetitive, I am going to go there again. Lately it feels as if I am continually dumping-stuff out of closets, nooks, and crannies; trash receptacles; the compost bucket; litter boxes; my kids-oops, I think I will keep them! This morning I (finally) emptied the compost bucket that is kept under the sink. (I dump it into a bigger composting bin outside.) When I first began composting, I didn’t know much about it at all (still don’t!). At that time, I neglected to turn the materials and just let it all sit in the bin-unattended. It didn’t compost-it just attracted all kinds of small, living, unattractive things; and it smelled like-like the bad waste that it had become.

Well, it was absolutely amazing the difference when I attended to that ‘waste’ properly, and-’presto-change-o’-dark, rich, nutrient-filled compost appeared. Of course this didn’t happen overnight; it takes time to create good compost out of what we would naturally call ‘waste’. It also takes attention from the one who desires to have the compost. There needs to be the right balance of moisture, light/darkness, and stirring it all around. As I was doing the kitchen waste dumping this morning, I felt so glad that Jesus pays that kind of necessary attention to me. I can allow myself to be filled to the brim with waste; and He is so ready, willing, and able to sort through it all, add what is needed, mix it all up, and be patient with me while the ‘composting’ process is at work. Wow-the thought of God Almighty being patient with ME is amazing; but He knows His desired end result. He desires to continually be at work in me to ‘presto-change-o’ me into one who will be a richly spirit-filled vessel who will bring Him honor and glory in all I do.

He never sees any of us as ‘waste’-at least not the way we tend to see waste. He sees us as His children, created in His image; and He desires to conform us into His likeness-having us possess the fruit of His Holy Spirit as we allow Him to turn our ‘waste’ into His ‘holy compost’; able to be used to do beautiful things! He doesn’t throw us away; He transforms us-no matter how stinky and wasteful we have allowed ourselves to become. He is patient and kind in the process; but don’t let that cause you to believe the process won’t hurt. Remember, the proper balance of waste materials needs to be turned, mixed up, agitated-and not just once! God knows under what conditions we will best be formed to His image. I pray that I-we-will allow Him to have His way as He patiently and lovingly ‘composts’ us, and then ‘spreads’ us around to do His wonderful work!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

As I walked past my son’s bedroom door, my peripheral vision revealed a very pleasant surprise-he had actually made his bed without being asked, poked, or prodded! I quickly found him downstairs and thanked him. I didn’t thank him for actually making the bed; rather for making it of what appeared to be his own initiative. Ahhh, there is hope for this wonderful young man! BUT WAIT!! Upon further investigation (okay, I wasn’t really investigating-I simply needed to go into his room to retrieve something), my peripheral vision again caught sight of something a bit more revealing-a part of his bedding that beckoned me to go ‘undercover’. And so I did. I looked past the carefully arranged top pillows and stuffed guitar, and lifted the edge of the comforter on his finely frocked bed. What did I see? A MESS!! My son had literally taken his comforter and carefully spread it over his sheets and blanket without straightening up any of them. It looked as if he simply jumped out of bed and manipulated that comforter in a way that would look as if he had successfully made his bed. This all took probably about 15 seconds to do I’m guessing. My initial reaction was kind of a mock horror mixed with humor at his ‘creative’ attempt at completing a task.

I laughed.

Then I didn’t laugh.

I found myself wondering what was going through his mind as he was making his bed. (Of course, whatever it was could have only lasted for those 15 seconds I mentioned earlier-not much time for intentional strategy!) Next I found myself thinking about the very real possibility that he actually thought he had completed his task successfully-the finished product was good enough to pass Mom’s quality control. The other possibility for his bed-making bedlam was ‘deceit’. Ouch! Was it possible that he made the outside appearance of his bed look good enough to fool me into believing that the inside-or what was ‘undercover’-was in good enough shape as well? I didn’t want to think that he would even be capable of that motive. Well-while I am quite sure he IS capable of that motive (after all, he still contains some human nature within!), it turns out that he simply believed he had made his bed quite successfully. (I wish I could have been there watching him do the job-or maybe not!) To him, there was no ulterior motive, hidden agenda, or deceit-he was just making his bed.

This did get me thinking though about outward appearances versus what’s ‘undercover’. It does feel good and even ‘right’ to know that our outward appearances are well tended and groomed. We have spent an appropriate amount of time and energy to accomplish a certain ‘look’. But what is lurking beneath the surface-the ‘heart’? Do we spend the appropriate amount of time and energy to nurture good character, emotional stability, and a healthy spirit by spending time with THE heart specialist-God Himself? Oh, how I know that I am in great need of evaluating this in my life so often! I also know that if I don’t evaluate this area, I will easily be deceived into believing that a ‘successful’ outward appearance is sufficient-functioning as a well placed comforter over the mess of what is hidden underneath. I need to learn a lesson from observing my son’s bed-making effort-each time I tend to the outside (that of my appearance), I need to ask myself if I have adequately tended to the inside (that of my heart). I am truly thankful that it is God Himself who tends to any ‘messiness’ that lurks within me. He is the only One who can sufficiently clean it up!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I really do love to look at Christmas decorations-AFTER they have all been finely arranged. And that is usually in someone else’s home! I do put up decorations each year; although each year I say I will NOT do any decorating-yeah, right. Truth be told, I really do love pulling out the decorations from underneath the basement steps. It actually motivates me to clean under there-mostly remainders of small crawling things. Sorting through each container is like stepping back in time-each piece has a memory associated with it. I need to force myself to stay on task so I don’t end up with STUFF strewn everywhere. Oh wait. When I am DONE decorating, I do have STUFF STREWN EVERYWHERE! But it is a joyful ‘strewn’-and meaningful to my family anyway.

If visitors would openly express their invisible thought bubbles above their heads, I might hear comments such as, “What was she thinking?” and, “I can’t believe she kept THAT!” or maybe, “WHAT IS THAT?!” (Put the emphasis on any of those three words; it all works.) I must confess, most of my decorations are an eclectic collection of my children’s works of ‘art’-beginning many years ago. I simply will not get rid of it. Each item has a sweet story to tell and holds a piece of my heart. Although there are many items my kids (do you still call them ‘kids’ when they are long ago all grown up?) would be happy if I pitched, they also admit that pulling out those same decorations year after year-while laughing and wondering, “What WERE we thinking?”-is just one of the precious elements of the Christmas season. Most of the other decorative items that are not gifts from them, or from someone else, are ‘gifts’ from garage sales. It doesn’t seem to matter though. We all love when it all gets set in its special ordained place. I think it must have something to do with ‘familiarity’. Familiarity feels safe.

As I think back to my childhood, I realize how safe and friendly ‘familiarity’ felt to me. Each Christmas season brought out the SAME decorations, and traditions, in that family of mine. Mom put on her “Firestone” Christmas album collection-vinyl on the Hi-Fi. (Does ANYBODY know what I am talking about?!) The REAL tree would be brought in. Dad would string the lights-excuse me; we called them ‘bulbs’ back then. They were BIG! Then, it was his self-appointed labor of love to hang four ornaments-each identical to the other-way at the top of the tree. They were exquisite looking-at least in my young eyes. Mom would pull out the advent wreath and place it on the round coffee table (as it was called way back when). After all of us children (eventually, there were nine of us!) finished hanging the ornaments, it was time for those classic ICICLES. Yes, those silver, shimmery strands of-TEDIOUSNESS! My parents always instructed us (as if we could ever forget!) to HANG THEM ONE AT A TIME! I did find a way to hang two or three at a time without getting caught. Okay-I’m quite sure they really did know; they just chose not to engage in that battle.

During the holiday season it was my dad who spent days baking delightful cookies. He would carefully place each kind in a freezer container and build up the supply over time. All of us kids found a way to sneak an occasional cookie by taking one out of the back of the container. Well, duh; of course Dad discovered our antics when he opened the containers to find the back half of the container empty. I don’t remember him being upset by that. I do remember him experimenting with recipes. Now that I think about it, I don’t even remember him using recipes! That would explain some things. Seriously, ALL of his cookie creations were fantastic. His cobblers were a different story. Maybe I’ll write about them another time. Let’s just say they seemed to share some of the same characteristics as the wheat paste that we used for paper mache projects.

So many memories; so much familiarity; and I thank God for ALL of it-even the stuff that may not have been so pleasant. The other day when one of my students asked me what I did “last night”, I told him, “I called my mom; then I called my dad.” My words hit me in a whole new way. It used to be, “I called my mom and dad”, because they lived together. Not any more. Mom continues to journey deeper into the unknown realm of dementia (I’m afraid to even ask her if she knows who I am-don’t really want to know the answer if it’s not the ‘right’ one!). She seems content in her assisted living surroundings-who really knows? Dad just moved into a different house; one I have yet to see. There will be no more family gatherings in that big, oh so familiar house. There will be no more setting up of the family tree. Yes, even though I have been out of their home for 30+ years, some of those early childhood traditions continued in their home.

It can be quite difficult to transition into ‘new traditions’ when we simply want to hang on to the ‘used to be’s’. Change is inevitable. So-when faced with change, face it with the ‘unchanging One’-God. Change will never surprise Him. He will never wring His hands and say, “I didn’t know THAT was going to happen!” He is in control of all change, and He delights in guiding us through the ‘newness’ of it. So, as I continue to decorate with what is near and dear to my heart-the old and familiar!-I will also continue to seek His face and hold His hand as I will surely need to continue to journey into the unfamiliar.

“Sweet Lord, I thank You that everything is completely familiar to You; nothing surprises You. You make me ready for whatever You have planned. Please help me to be ready and willing to go ‘there’ with You.”

Thanks for reading,

Libby

“I was about to be found-by my circle of friends.” Let’s pick up the story here. During this hard place, Beth (not knowing anything specific about what was hiding in me) would check in with me with her usual dose of encouragement and some hard questions (only one of the reasons why I love her!).

I responded with positive ‘tip of the iceberg’ answers while keeping the massive, dangerous, hidden part of the iceberg quiet. Then Lisa and I began to talk about some ‘stuff’. Uh oh-I was letting more of the iceberg show. Okay, that’s enough of that. Cover it all back up and move on. Leave the sleeping giants alone. Then, recently I was with a group of girlfriends. Business as usual. I looked at the clock and said to myself, “I’m outa here in five minutes.”

Then Tammy spoke. It went something like this, “Before I leave I feel like I need to ask, (then she looks across the table right into my eyes. Honestly, I began to shake before she said another word. What is going on here?!) how are you, Libby?” With those four unassuming and simple words, I began to come undone. I held myself together-somewhat. I immediately thought to myself, “There are, like, FIVE other women at this table. WHY ME?” Then, out loud, I responded with “I’m fine-really.” (Flash a fake smile.)

Then something happened. I’ll describe it like this-it was as if I began to have a fight with myself. I said to my friends, “No, I’m not fine-I’m a mess; but it’s okay-really.” “I can’t talk about it now; can’t talk about it here.” “Blah, blah, blah-” Do you know what those ladies did? They had the guts to say things like, “No, I really believe this is something you need to do now.” They believed that God was zeroing in on me. I was really taken aback. I thought I had heard wrong, but I hadn’t. They were not going to let me go. The evening was getting late; I was concerned about taking too much of their time with my ‘stuff’ (‘stuff’ I didn’t even understand or WANT to divulge to anybody), and they were, all of a sudden, acting like ‘macho-men’-pinning me down. These sweet, gentle girlfriends became stern and firm! I broke before them, and as they questioned me about my ‘stuff’, I began to just let it all roll out. Feelings, questions, confusion-me, me, me-the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly!

But they wanted to hear it all; they wanted to rid me of the sleeping giants inside of me-for good. No more hiding-spill it and slay it! After I cried and shared and cried some more-lots more, Tammy began to approach me, praying as she came. Then Beth put one arm around me and held my hand in hers. Then I felt the warmth of Peg and Dee Ann and Missy. From behind me Lisa began to massage my aching neck (she didn’t even know it was aching!). The prayers of others continued-all on my behalf. How humbling is that? I have always known that these women love me; but now I felt as if THEY were desperate for me to REALLY believe it. They were desperate for me to EMBRACE not only their love, but the love of Papa God as well. (Thank you, dear Jocelyn, for teaching me the importance of ‘embracing’ something rather that merely ‘appreciating’ it!)

God showed up-and showed OFF-big time-for me. And how humbling is that?! I knew that He would-in His time and in His way. This was just so unexpected-and so necessary. There is so much more I could share about this precious time together-and about the awesome ways God continued to speak to me into the wee hours of the morning. I will say that God had been putting these pieces together for a long time. I can look back and see Him ever so clearly now. He was just waiting for me to receive what He was eager to give-all of Himself to all of me.

I told my sweet, gentle, stern, firm, and beautiful girlfriends to try to picture this: what happened to me began with God at His Throne of Grace, then tumbled through the lips of Tammy, and was poured on me like healing anointing oil by the rest of the ladies. I need them so much and am so thankful for my circle of friends. Lord, please help me to NEVER hide like I had-ever again. Should I choose to hide, may it only be in a child’s game of “Hide and Seek”. Are you ‘hiding’? Please, please-come out, come out wherever you are. Call us-write to us. We are desperate for you to be ‘found’, dear friend.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Do you remember playing “Hide and Seek”? Oh how I loved to be the LAST one to be found. Reflecting back to those times, now I kind of think it was a challenge that I took way too seriously! Those were great times.,,great memories!

Recently I discovered I had been playing “Hide and Seek” once again, only this time it was the ‘grown-up’ version…much different. I was hiding, and the really interesting part is that I didn’t even know it. Okay.maybe I did. Yeah.I did. For quite some time I had been struggling with.ME. Who am I – really? What is my purpose? Do I really know God? Am I a fraud? Where are You, God? HELP!!

That was (and sometimes still is) my ‘life on the inside’. ‘Life on the outside’, however, went along as ‘normal’. Click, click, click…well-oiled machine. I knew I was closing in on real desperation when certain actions from others would trigger sleeping sensitivities inside of me. My gut would start churning. I would begin to feel flushed. Then the awful feelings of jealousy (ouch), insecurity (double ouch), and even anger and bitterness would begin to awaken. I would tell myself that all of what I was feeling was very real, but very hurtful.both to myself and potentially to others. So, I would rock all of those hurting places inside of me back to sleep and pray they would never wake up.

How ridiculous. I really think I was experiencing both a sense of desperately wanting to DO the right thing – to be humble and meek, while also being too proud to reveal the extent of my hidden places to anyone. I began to cry out to God – complete with real tears. I don’t even know how long this continued. I don’t remember the beginning, and I certainly couldn’t see a happy ending in sight. It just began to feel as if this was going to be ‘the rest of my life’ – one big yucky ash heap that I would attempt to cover with anything that appeared to be good and beautiful. It might look nice, but it was still just useless trash underneath it all! I felt ‘doomed’ when I realized that I couldn’t even genuinely weep with those who weep or rejoice with those who rejoice. I was making life all about me-and I hated it. Even crying out to God felt selfish-me, me, me, me! Whatever.

I must say that throughout this entire ordeal, I maintained a deep and unique sense of joy and even peace. I know that might sound wacky and impossible, but I truly think it was that joy and peace that kept me grounded and hanging on to nothing but God – even when I felt nothing of His presence. During this time I began to feel so unworthy and even deserving of His abandonment. But also during this time I knew that I knew that I knew He would NEVER leave me. I didn’t need to ‘feel’ His presence to know that He was with me. My faith was bruised and shaken, but still intact. I knew that I would never leave Him. Oh how I longed to just be okay again. No – I longed to be way more than just ‘okay’… I desperately wanted to be what Jesus created me to be, and I wanted to be it so excellently… I just didn’t know what to do next. So.I kept on hiding. I knew I wasn’t hiding from God; I was simply hiding from the people who mattered so much to me. Little did I know I was about to be found – by my circle of friends. To be continued…

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Are you ready to travel home with me? Remember.I arrived home with thousands of family photos just waiting to be identified, labeled, organized, and placed into albums for the sake of ‘family legacy’.ugh. Where do I begin? For starters I need to at least get the pictures out of the van. (However, we borrowed the van from Beth and Brian.maybe I should have left the pictures in the van, and THEY could have taken on this project. Beth is capable of coming up with some very fun captions!!) Well, the pictures came out and immediately went down to my basement. I placed them in a well organized pile.out of the way.because I really didn’t know if or when I would even attempt this ‘labor of love’. I actually surprised myself by digging into it right away. My one big organized pile became many littler semi-organized piles as I sorted and tossed.sorted and tossed. Time passed so quickly, and I found myself so absorbed in both the task and in my past.not just my past with my nuclear family of origin, but the past of my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends.wow. As I looked through photos, I remembered the sounds of voices and laughter; the sweet scents of individuals; even the movements unique to each person. I became aware of my pattern of sorting. I found myself examining each person in each picture to find the best representation of that person and event. I wanted to keep the pictures that made the people in them look their best. I looked at the backgrounds in each picture. Which were the most flattering?

I remember coming across pictures of one Christmas in my Grandma’s home. I was shocked by what I saw. Was it the Christmas decorations? Was it yet another Christmas miracle? The inside of the house looked amazing and clean! You’ve got to know.my grandmother was one of the sweetest, nicest, most beautiful women I have ever known. Even my dad says she was the best person he had ever met.and he was describing his mother-in-law!! However, housekeeping was not her gift.cooking, baking, taking care of people.that was what she was all about. So when I saw these pictures, I was delighted. Her home looked so beautiful.just like my grandma. I kept those pictures.

So, in my method of sorting and choosing pictures, am I in denial? Am I only keeping the best because I don’t want to think about the worst? Am I attempting to re-create memories to be much more amiable and palatable? Do I sound like the writer of Chronicles? Oh yes.back to the books of Chronicles. God inspired the writer of Chronicles to write to the nation of Israel to remind the people of just where their help and hope comes from.God Himself. Remember my comments about the deeds of Kings David and Solomon? I don’t believe the writer left out their ‘indiscretions’ (SIN!!) because he was in denial or because of any negative motive. No, I believe the writer intentionally focused on the positive attributes of David and Solomon because he knew that God had chosen and anointed them to be kings, and the Chronicles were ‘articles’ that were passed down throughout the generations to be read as a legacy for future generations. The writer’s words are words of HONOR and DIGNITY, HOPE and HELP. The writer chose to HONOR these men chosen by God instead of airing their ‘dirty laundry’ for future generations to ponder each time they would pick up their copy of the Chronicles to read.

Somewhere along the way, during my reading of the Chronicles and my sorting of family photos, I made this cool connection. No matter how many dysfunctions my family may have been ‘blessed’ with, I am truly blessed to be a part of it all, and a part of them. I am blessed that God has allowed me to see each of them as ‘chosen’ by Him. As I have gazed at each picture, I have fallen in love all over again with my extended family. No matter what, I will choose to honor them with each chosen picture. I want to join the writer of the Chronicles when passing something on as a legacy. I will do so with the intent of honoring one another.

Thanks for traveling with me.both through a bit of the Chronicles and down a bit of my family’s memory lane.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I am finishing reading the book of II Chronicles in the Bible, and have re-discovered something interesting. The writer speaks very highly of a couple of kings. It’s as if these two men had a spotless record. I am most impressed.except that I had finished reading the books of 1^st and 2^nd Kings not long before, and found that the accounts there told a bit of a different story. Okay, not really different. – just more detail that is simply not found in the Chronicles. Kings David and Solomon.father and son; far from perfect, but chosen by God. As I read more about them, I find myself loving them even more – maybe because of their humanity and imperfections. I also find myself more in love with God.their God and my God.one and the same. Beautiful God Who loves us and chooses us in spite of our imperfections and–call it what it is–sin. Beautiful God Who works with us and changes us to become more of what He created us to be.

So what about the writer of Chronicles? Was he in denial of the weaknesses and sin of these two precious and chosen kings? Was he not willing to confront their sinful behavior and speak about it in Scripture? Did he not see the pink elephant in the living room? Maybe he did see it – and attempted to sweep it under the carpet. So, what’s going on here anyway?

Travel with me.

I’m taking you to Missouri for a family reunion. I went with really no expectations, knowing that the only direction was up.hopefully! Don’t get me wrong.I love, love, love my family, and we truly love to get together. Like a lot of families though, there is more than enough dysfunction to go around. Earlier in the year my father had asked me if I would be willing to take all of his and my mom’s family pictures that had accumulated over the years – many years. His desire was that I would weed through them, organize, label, and assemble them in albums that would serve as a legacy for us and for future generations. Outwardly, I replied with love – “of course I will”. Inwardly, I was breaking out in hives.knowing the potential magnitude of this task. (My dad made it clear to me that I certainly did not need to do this task at all. He did not want to create an unnecessary burden for me.) Seriously, we are talking about thousands of pictures – most of which are not labeled or organized in any conceivable way. My husband (most graciously) and I loaded them into the vehicle (hoping we would still have room for our luggage that would be nice to bring back home with us!), and we all headed on to the reunion.

Wow – expectations met and exceeded.highly! All during this family time, I found myself looking at my extended family members with an even deeper sense of love and gratitude. I know this was due to many factors, one of them being the fact that I had looked through many of those family photos before we had packed them up. Those photos brought back all kinds of memories – both beautiful and some not so kind. But the ‘pay-off’ for me was realizing that no matter what each picture contained, each represented an event or stage of life where we as a family worked and played together to accomplish life. No matter what – we were (and still are) in this together.this ‘thing’ called ‘life’. When it was time to journey home, we were all so sad that such a great family time needed to come to an end. (I’ve often told my children that the amount of sadness felt is often equal to the amount of love held.)

So, what does all of this have to do with the Chronicles in the Bible? That part of our travels is yet to come! Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I would like to introduce you to our friend, Missy Horsfall. A spotlight on Missy is LONG overdue! She is one of the ‘rocks’ behind Circle of Friends ministries. Missy is multi-faceted and multi-talented. She joined the Circle of Friends board in 2008, and COF has been benefiting from her ever since. Missy is the ‘brains’ behind much of our website. She manages the blog which includes her personal insights and offerings as she writes about what is on her heart. She also helps to produce and to record the radio programming done by COF. Missy headed up the Circle of Friends devotional book project which resulted in publication. She has allowed God to use her giftedness throughout her years and experiences of life. I want to share more about her with you!

I first met Missy years ago when our children were small. Missy has been married to Ned for 31 years. They are the parents of three grown children, all of whom are married, and the grandparents of one adorable baby girl. Missy worked in the banking industry for 13 years and as a pastor’s wife for over 20 years. She co-authored the book Double Honor (Waterbrook Press 2002), and it is a GREAT read. I had to make myself STOP reading it, or I would have gone from beginning to end in one sitting!

When Missy was little, she wanted to grow up to be an Equestrian, specifically a three-day eventer, jumping horses. She grew up with the childhood nicknames of M.E. (emy), Miss Em (which I love!), and the dreaded “Lula-Belle”! During her 6^th grade year, she attended a missionary school in Taiwan. Her dad was in the military and was stationed there. She became a Christian after hearing about Jesus at a school assembly. Missy’s walk of faith has continued and grown, regardless of the amount of pain in some of her life’s circumstances. Throughout her life she has been inspired by so many people. A few that I will mention are her husband, Ned; Pastor Chris Cutshall and his wife, Kathy; her friend, Debby; and a long succession of wonderful women who have befriended and mentored her in the faith.

The spiritual lesson that seems to keep recurring in her life is that “God can take the worst of circumstances and make good come from it-He is that awesome! Every trial we face is designed by His hand, with His purpose in mind.” Those are words of wisdom to hang on to! When Missy needs encouragement, she digs into the Word, listens to worship music, and calls or e-mails a friend – more great advice! At this point she would describe her perfect day as a “Blue and Gold” day on the water-deep blue sky, fresh wind, and beautiful sunshine. (Missy grew up on Lake Huron.) But, if that is not possible, a day with her family together is even better!

Missy describes herself as ‘caring’. She absolutely hates to see anyone be humiliated or embarrassed. I would definitely agree with her description. I will also add that she is diligent, faithful, loyal, persevering, wise, a great listener – the list goes on! Fellow COF board member, Tammy, adds this about Missy. “I had the opportunity to travel to Nepal with Missy and was amazed by her endurance and strength. She really got sick – I mean horrible, horrible dysentery where she could barely stand up; fever and just major sick – but.she truly never complained, had a smile at all times on her pale face and ministered to the Nepali people with full vigor. I love Missy; she is a beautiful, Godly woman, and I cherish her friendship!”

Missy adds incredible wisdom to our COF team with her gifts, and we are so blessed to know her and to work alongside her. I just want to thank her for saying ‘yes’ to Circle of Friends!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

The 4^th of July. America’s Independence Day. A day commemorating and celebrating – what? I wonder if the repetitive nature of annual holidays somehow diminishes the origin of that first special event. Cloudy confusion can be the result if we are not diligent in pursuing original truth. Because of my thoughts, I would like to share with you some quotations from one of our founding fathers and the 2^nd president of these United States, Mr. John Adams. I believe within his words we will know some of his heart and passion. I also believe Mr. Adams is a fine representation of the entire core of founding fathers as he eloquently speaks words that echo their hearts and passions as well. (I would love to share quotes from all of them, but then this blog would become a book!) All quotes are taken from the book, “America’s God and Country” by William J. Federer. I will type them as they originally appeared, regarding both grammar and punctuation. Much had been happening in both England and America leading up to the days of these quotes. I encourage you to dig back in time and learn about this period of our heritage once more.

On June 21, 1776, John Adams wrote:

“Statesmen, my dear Sir, may plan and speculate for liberty, but it is Religion and Morality alone, which can establish the Principles upon which Freedom can securely stand.

The only foundation of a free Constitution is pure Virtue, and if this cannot be inspired into our People in a greater Measure than they have it now, they may change their Rulers and the forms of Government, but they will not obtain a lasting liberty.”

In contemplating the effect that separation from England would mean to him personally, John Adams wrote:

“If it be the pleasure of Heaven that my country shall require the poor offering of my life, the victim shall be ready, at the appointed hour of sacrifice, come when that hour may. But while I do live, let me have a country, and that a free country!”

On July 1, 1776, John Adams profoundly spoke at the Continental Congress to the delegates from the Thirteen Colonies:

“Before God, I believe the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure, and my whole heart is in it. All that I have, and all that I am, and all that I hope in this life, I am now ready here to stake upon it. And I leave off as I began, that live or die, survive or perish, I am for the Declaration. It is my living sentiment, and by the blessing of God it shall be my dying sentiment. Independence now, and Independence for ever!”

On July 3, 1776, the day following Congress’ approval of the Declaration of Independence, John Adams wrote to his wife, Abigail, regarding the gravity of the decision:

“It is the will of heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful. If this is to be the case, it will have this good effect, at least: it will inspire us with many virtues which we have not, and correct many errors, follies and vices, which threaten to disturb, dishonor and destroy us.The furnace of affliction produces refinements in states, as well as individuals.”

On July 3, 1776, John Adams wrote again to his wife, Abigail, reflecting on what he had shared in Congress and, with prophetic insight, declaring the importance of that day:

“The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever.

You will think me transported with enthusiasm, but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the gloom I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory. I can see that the end is worth more than all the means; that posterity will triumph in that day’s transaction, even though we [may regret] it, which I trust in God we shall not.”

So there you have it – simply a few quotes from a humble steward of God. During this 4^th of July and beyond, may we all be reminded of the Divine principles and purposes upon which this country was founded. God has indeed blessed America. Now America must continually choose to bless God!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I did a really unusual thing last evening. I watched a DVD all by myself. Everyone else had gone their separate ways, and I found myself thinking, “Hmm…I think I will watch ‘Amazing Grace’”. I have had the DVD for so long, but never took the opportunity to watch it. However, not too long ago, I picked up a book written about the life of William Wilberforce and am in the middle of reading it. Okay…I will admit that I love, love, love a great story about ordinary people who become heroes through acts of passionate and selfless service toward others. Much of the time, those stories and movie scripts are written about fictitious characters submerged in a plot that borders on unbelievable…but I still love it. I guess because even fiction has a way of testifying about the hopes and dreams of the writer. It’s as if the writer is saying, “Maybe if I write this, it might actually become a reality!” With that said, you might well imagine how much more I love that kind of a story when it is based on actual accounts of a REAL person’s life.

The work that Wilberforce did to bring about the abolition of slavery in the most powerful part of the world at that time, Great Britain, was nothing short of a miracle. And his was a miracle that required great perseverance in both practice and passion. The beauty of this story is two-fold for me. One…the abolition of slavery as it was known at that time in history; and two…the community of comrades that came alongside Wilberforce to stay the tough course and be a part of that miracle. As I watched the movie and remembered parts from the book I am reading, I was deeply moved. So much so, that when I said prayers with my son later that evening, I thanked God for William Wilberforce! And I meant it. I literally blubbered through the prayer.

Where would we be without the commitment and passion of people like Wilberforce? People who clearly count the cost and plow on ahead because they know their task is what God desires. People who count the cost and know it might cost them their lives, but that is not even a consideration for them, because they know their task is what God desires. I prayed that we as a family would become people like that.

In doing some more research, I was reminded that forms of slavery are still very active today. “Reminded”…what a tragic word to use in this context. It tells me that I already knew this fact, but had casually tossed it aside somewhere along the way toward keeping my life comfortable and convenient. How many other areas of injustice and oppression have I conveniently ignored because they don’t directly affect me…or…someone else can handle that?

I am not suggesting that we need to be actively involved in EVERYTHING, but what I am suggesting is that we need to be actively involved in PRAYING about what God would have us pursue…and pursue with passion. I think we as a nation have lost our passion for pursuing and doing what is right. The main thing we seem passionate about is pursuing and doing what WE want to do…for OUR pleasure, comfort, and convenience. I am finishing the book of Judges in the Bible, and what a culturally relevant and timely book it is! People pursuing their personal, selfish passions seems to be its recurring theme. I wish I could say the book of Judges ends with “and they all lived happily ever after”, but it doesn’t. The last line is, “In those days Israel had no king; and everyone did as he saw fit.” Believe me, that is NOT a good thing!

Wow, this particular blog has not been laced with ‘warm fuzzies’ at all. I guess sometimes I just get a glimpse of myself and human nature that makes me cringe…big time. But it also makes me fall in love with God more and more, knowing that nothing we do (the good, the bad, and the ugly) takes Him by surprise. My ‘ugliness’ points out His beauty all the more. I need Him desperately. I thank Him that He loves me desperately. I bow before Him humbled, amazed, and in awe. May He help us all to pursue His purposes with passion, rather than our own. Beloved, let us LOVE one another.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

I happened to be standing in my kitchen thinking about writing a blog…hmmm…what should I write about this week? As I stared straight ahead, my answer was staring right back at me from the kitchen counter. One container of bentonite and one container of psyllium husks powder. That’s right…the two ingredients I use when I embark on a colon cleanse. Okay, I am quite sure you are thinking “I don’t believe I will read any further.” Frankly, I wouldn’t blame you. Trust me…your potential mental visual is much worse than anything I will write! Actually, I began to ponder that part of the physical body as it relates to the spiritual ‘body of Christ’. I chuckled as I thought that the colon probably coined the phrase, “…It’s a dirty job; but somebody’s got to do it!” And the colon indeed keeps on doing that job. I believe that I need to provide some routine maintenance for that body part if I want it to continue to perform well. Therefore…I cleanse. I trust that if I help to take care of my colon, it will help to take care of me.

Knowing that the colon is responsible for ridding the physical body of unnecessary waste, I am thinking that there is a correlating part of the spiritual body of Christ that is just as necessary to ‘remove waste’. Have you ever encountered someone who just seems to know what is wise and good and right, and they don’t mess around when it comes to delivering that message to the necessary audience?! My daughter would say, “They just lay the smack down, and that is good!” In other words (hopefully more universally understood!), these people possess a knack for nailing truth. When the truth sounds beautiful it is easy to take. It goes down smoothly and digests well. But when the truth feels hard and hurtful, it is not so easy to take. It seems to get stuck in the throat and then leaves a lump in the pit of the stomach as it churns and churns, feeling as if it will never digest! However, it is still TRUTH…whether it ‘feels’ good or not! It must be revealed. It must be confronted. It must be dealt with. Of course, all of this must be done in a healthy, appropriate, Spirit-led manner. That is where the ‘truth-teller’ must excel.

This is just my thinking here, but I believe the ‘colon’ of the body of Christ is that person who has been blessed by God with the spiritual gift of ‘discernment’…our ‘truth-teller’. According to my dictionary, discernment means “keenness in seeing and understanding; good judgment; shrewdness.” It lists one of the synonyms as “insight”. The quote used in this dictionary is by Cardinal Manning, “The eye of the soul acquires a discernment whereby some can instantly read the character of others.” Cool! NOT cool if not ultimately led by the Spirit of God. Misguided truth-tellers are not about using their insights for helping and healing. They use their ‘insights’ for maligning and hurting…probably because they themselves hurt so much. Healthy truth-tellers truly want what is best for people…even though the truth may hurt.

We all need those discerning, healthy truth-tellers in our lives; people who help us to make wise choices, to see things with more than just our eyes; people who are willing to chastise and correct us when we are making questionable choices. Hmmm…I believe Beth would refer to this as ‘accountability’. That word just keeps coming back; it is so vital and necessary! We also need to help keep our truth-tellers healthy. Don’t ignore them. Don’t pretend their words of truth don’t matter. Allow them to help you process…or should I say ‘digest’ those areas of concern in your life. Allow them to help you get rid of the waste and hang on to the ‘nutrition’ in your life. Discerning,healthy truth-tellers need encouragement. It’s hard to keep telling the truth if that person never feels as though it is making a positive difference in the lives of others.

Do you have ‘truth-tellers’ in your life? Help them to stay healthy by doing a ‘cleanse’ for them every once in a while. How? Know that they are a gift from God. Thank them; encourage them; understand that their job can feel very dirty…but somebody has to do it!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

As I was on my way to the computer to type this blog, I passed the TV which happened to be on. (We are not fans of TV!) My husband was watching a PBS station, and some show about professional bowling was on. As I passed by, I paused and noticed that footage of some kind of an awards or recognition program was showing. I must admit, I was surprised at the amount of bowling fans in the audience. I was even more surprised by the amount of noise they were making as they eagerly showed their love and devotion to the ‘bowlers on display’. While I don’t go bowling often, when I do go, I enjoy it. However, I certainly did not know that this sport has such a fanatic following. I shared this thought with my husband who was just as surprised as I was…but not for long, because he was soon watching the program through his eyelids. (That, incidentally, is his favorite way to watch TV. I just cover him up, and let him sleep) I continued on my way to the computer. As I listened to my husband begin to softly snore (actually quite relaxing to me…I knew that he was resting well!) and pondered over those bowling fans, I thought about how many things have their own following of fans. Certainly every sport does, I suppose (yes, even curling); every genre of music, be it bluegrass, country, blues, jazz, ‘rock band’ (even if it’s just mom, dad, and the rest of the family showing up), orchestral, etc.; actors and actresses; chefs and restaurants; the list goes on…

Recently I had the great opportunity to attend an Answers in Genesis conference. While I was excited to go (I had never attended one before), I was reluctant to leave hearth and home. Upon arriving I soon found that the Answers in Genesis organization has a huge fan base, too! (Personally, I am one of them and would LOVE to see that fan base continue to grow.) And so I ask myself, “What is it about something that makes me a ‘fan’?” As I think about the AIG conference (remember, that is “Answers in Genesis”, NOT the bankrupt corporation that I am quite sure has NO remaining fan club), I believe my being a fan of anything has much to do with the passion that is invoked within me as I experience that ‘thing’. That passion is born out of a continuing journey of discovery…the discovery of nuggets of Truth that ultimately come from God and are about God. I found that I just wanted to drink in completely all that I was learning at the conference, but also became so aware of the need to keep on learning even after the conference, and to seek ways to apply that knowledge in practical ways each day. Continuing to ponder this kind of passion reminded me of the blog that I wrote about the musicals that I had the privilege of experiencing. Each one of those led me on that same kind of journey of discovery…regardless of their content. What an incredible adventure to really begin to seek and to find God and His nuggets of Truth in EVERYTHING that I experience. Nothing is secular,,,everything is sacred! Now honestly, not everything that I experience brings a smile to my face, but everything does have the potential to bring that deep joy that comes from knowing God to my heart…whether the experience itself is full of joy…or full of pain.

Another experience during the AIG conference that invoked passion in me had nothing to do with the content of the conference. It was a bathroom experience! (Hang in there with me…) I walked into the bathroom and was greeted with a “Be careful, the floor is wet”. (I am quite familiar with the fact that toilets can present problems at full-house events!) Anyway, the greeting came from the beautiful lady cleaning up the mess; and she didn’t stop cleaning until the job was done. While the rest of us were relaxing with coffee and cookies, she cleaned…and cleaned…with a smile on her face and no complaining from her lips. I know she was not even responsible for the mess. I also know that she could have ignored the mess, or gotten someone else to tend to it; but she chose (without hesitation) to tend to it herself. I also know that she is the wife of the pastor of the facility in which the conference was housed. I expressed my heart of gratitude to her, and I meant every word. In those moments, I was her ‘fan’. Now I will publicly say, “Thank you, Becky, for your humble act of incredible service!”

Now I find myself asking the question, “Am I really a fan of ‘things’, such as those that I mentioned before?” No, I don’t think so. I am such a fan of experiences that bring me closer to people, to God, and to the Kingdom of heaven which begins here on earth.

I am a fan of God, because all of these experiences ultimately come from Him. Thank You, sweet Jesus!

Thanks for reading,
Libby

Spring seems to be the season of musicals, and my family and I have enjoyed several experiences this year. I think the unique challenge of a musical is to be able to convey a story (believable or not doesn’t really matter!) in a way that develops the characters and the plot through the various elements of music and staging more than the spoken word and dialogue among the characters. This is both tricky and challenging. The most recent musicals I have seen have been a high school presentation of “Beauty and the Beast”, a community theater production of “West Side Story”, and the Broadway touring company’s production of “Sweeney Todd”. Although these were certainly three different levels of production, each was done extremely well…and so worth the opportunity and privilege of experiencing them.

While each story is unique, the more I pondered the journey of each one, the more I found a common thread connecting them. In fact, the more I thought about so many productions I have experienced, the more I see that common thread woven somewhere into the story. Let’s take a brief look at the three stories I have mentioned. “Beauty and the Beast” is filled with comedic moments amidst the tragedy of an entire castle living under a curse from which they are desperate to be free. “West Side Story” portrays love and loyalty amidst prejudice and assumed betrayal. There is so much tragic miscommunication abrew. “Sweeney Todd” is completely tragic. It is filled with heartache and vengeance born out of envy and covetousness. Again…so much miscommunication going on, which leads to sorrow and suffering. While being tragic, it has absolutely hilarious moments and is written and staged with such genius.

All three musicals are the products of genius minds, and all three focus on the element of human suffering as a result of just plain bad human choices, both self-inflicted and other-inflicted. So…here is the common thread I have found.. IT IS AS IF THE STORY ITSELF IS CRYING OUT FOR SOME KIND OF REDEMPTION…FOR SOME KIND OF A ‘SAVIOR’. As I thought about this, I was reminded of Scripture. In Ecclesiastes 3:11 we are told that “God makes all things beautiful in His time, and that He has placed eternity into the minds and hearts of man”. Imagine that…God, Himself creating each one of us with a ‘sense’ of His eternity inside of us; and He doesn’t even abandon us to search for that fulfillment alone. He desires to guide us right to ‘it’…which is, of course, HIM!

Let’s look at Acts 17 beginning in verse 22… “So Paul, standing in the middle of the Areopagus said: ‘Men of Athens, I perceive that in every way you are very religious. For as I passed along, and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription, “TO AN UNKNOWN GOD”. What you therefore worship as ‘unknown’, I will now tell you about.’” And you really need to read ‘the rest of the story’! Paul gives the Greeks a beautiful account of who the one, true God is and what He has done for all of mankind.

My point is…and I know I can RAMBLE ON…is that God loves us SO MUCH that He places a need for Him in each one of us. He does not play ‘Hide and Seek’ with us, but rather ‘Follow the Leader’, and HE is the Leader! He desires to be found by me…by you…by everyone. He knows the impending tragedy of NOT finding Him; so…He makes it completely possible and do-able!

Now, I don’t know where the hearts of those people are who had anything to do with writing the musicals of which I have spoken…whether or not they had/have a relationship with Jesus Christ, but I do know this… The stories that they have written seem to be woven with the imagery of “TO AN UNKNOWN GOD…HELP ME…SAVE ME…REDEEM ME…” Call on the name of the one true God, the Lord Jehovah, the Christ Jesus…and yes, He will!!

Thanks for reading,
Libby

I found myself sitting at the computer, doing some work which involved ‘think time’. I didn’t realize just how long I had been ‘thinking’, but when I looked up at the monitor, the screen had returned to screensaver mode to reveal the scrolling collage of family pictures that my husband, Mike had selected quite some time ago. I am so used to seeing these pictures; they rarely capture my attention anymore. Tonight, however, they did. I sat and just looked at them. I began to reminisce over each one and soon realized that we really DON’T take pictures of ‘bad’ moments and memories. Of course not! Now I will admit, I do take BAD pictures (I don’t pretend to be a great photographer), but generally, I don’t capture BAD moments. We all love to capture the good, even borderline, unrealistic ‘Leave it to Beaver’ or ‘Ozzie and Harriet’ family moments.

As I thought through and enjoyed each picture, I also realized that some of the GOOD memories were intertwined with sadness… a picture of my son, Darian, playing a game; a new houseplant in the background serves as a reminder that my father-in-law had just died. A picture of Darian, Mike, and my dad lounging in chairs beside an open fire at our favorite camping spot reminds me that we will never visit that spot again. It was in Dad’s best interest to sell the motorhome and boat. The tents have been rolled up and put away somewhere. No…I know we won’t go back. A happy picture of my sister with her husband and family…now reeling and suffering the effects of a very difficult divorce. A picture of much of my extended family playing games together in the large home of my parents; a home that is really the only one their 26 grandchildren have ever known; a home that truly was our only vacation spot for most of my married life. Now this home will be cleaned out and sold…the ‘physical’ memories will either be given away, sold, or thrown away. They won’t even be moved to a new home with my parents. Only the things that are truly necessary will be able to go this time. Mom will move into a facility where everything will be new and strange…but then, dementia has its own cruel way of making even the most loving and familiar things new, strange, and very unwelcome. She will get to keep her cat, and she wants her piano. Ideally, Dad wants to stay in that big empty house until it sells. We will see. As soon as possible, he will move into a small, manageable home close to the facility.

All of the pictures scrolling by on my computer are so full of life, love, and smiles; but each one carries with it “the rest of the story”. As time rolls by, looking at precious memories remains such a blessing. And yes, as time rolls by, those same, sweet memories tend to mingle with sadness as our circumstances change. I have often thought about how I will look at pictures with my dad, and wonder what it will be like to look at those same pictures after he is no longer living here on earth. And so, I choose to relish the beautiful memories of all of my photographs, knowing that beauty is so often a mysterious blend of joy and sorrow…sorrow that comes from loving someone so deeply, and recognizing just how little control I have over the changes that life brings. I will continue to love to capture as many beautiful memory moments as I can through the lens of a camera.

When I pick up my camera, I do so with passion and anticipation of creating a legacy of love. Our heavenly Father is like that. He is the Master Photographer. With each picture that He gives us…through nature, through His Word, through the gift of friends and family, and through any other means, He longs for us to see life through HIS lens. He longs for us to experience life filled with His passion for us and His legacy of love for us that turns our sadness to joy; our mourning into dancing. He gives purpose to certain events of life that we may never understand while on this earth. So…may we all continue to snap those pictures of beautiful memory moments…and to be willing to share “the rest of the story”. God is good…all the time!

Thanks for reading,

Libby

Okay…what are those three little words that moms LOVE to hear? Hmmm… “More money please?” “You’re getting fat.” “You’re getting old.” “You’re getting gray.” (I’m sure there are many more adjectives that could fill in those blanks!) Alas…those three words are, of course, “I love you!”. My daughters have always seemed to be more comfortable at expressing those words than my son is. Especially now that they are well past ‘grown’, that beloved phrase comes readily and seems to hold with it a new meaning of seriousness. When I hear my girls say it, I know they absolutely mean it, and they are not simply reciting it much like one would say “God bless you” after someone sneezes! It’s as if they are implying, “I hope you truly believe me, Mom, when I say ‘I love you’; because I really do with all of my heart!” Their profession of love toward me at this stage of their lives is kind of like the amplified version of the Bible! Believe me…I LOVE IT!!

However, did I mention my son? Oh yes…Darian. I suppose being thirteen…and a boy…makes it pardonable that he does not utter that precious phrase as often as I would like to hear it. Suffice it to say, I will take what I can get, when he wants to give it! I have learned that he shows his affections toward me in his unique ways, and that those ways change as he changes. One of his traditions, STILL, is his bedtime routine. Even at the mature age of thirteen, he HAS to have either me or his dad tuck him in bed each night and say prayers with him. If it happens to be his dad, Darian still doesn’t want to go to sleep without me saying good night as well, and then his final THREE WORDS to me as I go out the door are… “Check on me.” And I do. Each night that I possibly can, I tiptoe back into his room and ‘check on him’. Even when he is sound asleep, he has faith that I will do as he has asked. This is one precious memory!

Before I leave his room, and before he says “check on me”, I always say to him, “I love you”…to which he responds, “…Love you, too”. His response is without fail, but it is always triggered by my saying that much needed phrase to HIM first. I’m very okay with that. I have never said anything to the contrary about it to him. I just love to hear him say that he loves me…no matter what the motivation.

The other night, I needed to run a quick emergency errand for my mother-in-law. It was nothing major; it just needed to be done in a timely manner. Darian opted to stay home while I was gone. As I was ready to leave, I noticed that he was in the bathroom, so I just said my good-byes through the closed door. He asked me to call him when I was on my way home. I said I would, and then I said ‘good-bye’. He also said ‘good-bye’. Then, with my back already turned, I heard his voice through that closed door as he said, “I love you, Mom”. I responded with “I love you, too”, and then I was gone. Now he doesn’t know what transpired next…and you, dear readers, may think I am an emotion-filled quack…but that is okay. (I probably am!) I cried. Do you know how my heart felt…no…how my WHOLE body felt…just to hear him say those words with such conviction? And to say them without his phrase being a ‘necessary’ response to my phrase? That is pure joy! Honestly, I am still cherishing that memory. Don’t get me wrong…Darian has spoken that beautiful phrase purely by his own intrinsic motivation before; it just isn’t as frequent as that of my girls.

As I thought about how I felt when he spoke those words to me, I found myself thinking about my heavenly Father…Abba Father…Daddy. I know He loves me, and I know that I desire to do the ‘right’ things to show my love FOR Him TO Him. But, does He get an extra charge when I spontaneously blurt out to Him, “I LOVE YOU!!” Oh, I want Him to! I want Him to know that my love for Him comes from deep within me, and it is not merely a response to His love for me. It is also a response that CAN’T BE HELPED OR SILENCED. I don’t think Darian planned to say “I love you, Mom” in that moment. In that moment, his love spilled out of him because he could no longer contain that emotion…and it splashed all over me! That is what I want to give to Jesus. I want my ‘uncontainable’ love for Him to just spill out…unplanned…and splash all over Him!

Thanks for reading…
Libby

This past weekend, I was watching my son play the video game Guitar Hero III. He had just bought it the day before and was eagerly trying to ‘beat’ the game. Now, in order to do this, he had to successfully complete a great number of songs. One in particular seemed to be giving him more of a challenge than he wanted. At least, that is what I discerned from his cries of defeat…borderline deafening!

I calmly encouraged him to keep trying while simultaneously suggesting that it might be time for a ‘game break’. (That, incidentally, is a euphemism for “if you don’t settle down, you will put that game away for the rest of your life”). The more he tried, the more determined he became. He actually did settle down and into what seemed to be an intentional strategic approach to achieving ‘victory’.

I began to relish this journey he was taking from the agony of defeat to, hopefully, the thrill of victory. Of course, as a mom, I was hoping victory would come really fast! Honestly, I didn’t even know what to look for to know if he had won or not. (Most of these games are so confusing to me, and I am kind of in awe of his abilities to do them at all). I needn’t have worried about that. When he finally did win, the whoops and hollers of that much awaited victory could not be ignored or misunderstood. When he won, he immediately turned toward me. Oh, to hear his sweet voice and to see his glowing face in that moment…priceless! I was so glad I could experience it with him. I rejoiced with him and then said, “Don’t those failed tries make your victory feel even sweeter?!” At first, no…he didn’t think so, but then…yes, he admitted that the failures did make his victory feel even bigger.

Now, I know this story simply involves a video game…nothing major. But I truly loved the teachable moment I had with my son. More than that, I loved watching his journey. What I saw happening was a young teen who was feeling such defeat, but who refused to give up because he was determined to win. In his journey of determination, his anger turned to a new resolve…that of a more quiet perseverance. This finally led to victory. To be able to talk about the importance of that victorious journey rather than the actual ‘win’ over that song was so meaningful to me.

This is not the first time my son and I have used his video game frustrations to carve out a metaphor for victorious journeys in life – journeys from failure to victory – journeys that truly help us to know that it is the failures that cause the victories to taste even sweeter.

I find myself reminded by my son’s experiences to not let the fear of failure keep me from taking the journey of quiet perseverance. It is in these journeys that God is able to show me that His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. (2 Cor. 12:9) If I truly want to experience God doing a BIG victory in me and through me, then I have to be willing to fail BIG rather than to not try at all! Not trying is quite possibly the biggest defeat.

Thanks for reading,

Libby

“The steady drumming of the raindrops creates a soothing, almost hypnotic effect over me…”, or something similar to this quote is what I wrote the other day. HOWEVER…the raucous wind that we endured during the night recently had NO soothing, hypnotic effect. I found myself wishing I could rock myself to sleep…knowing that would only work if I used REAL rocks. I found myself lying in bed (or is it ‘laying’?…I’m always confused by this area of grammar), hoping that our home was like that of the third little pig’s built out of bricks and not like those of his two foolish brothers, Mr. Straw and Mr. Sticks. Would the ‘huffing and puffing’ never cease?! Oh, the strange thoughts that go through my head when I am trying to find sleep in the midst of a scary storm! I found myself laughing…mostly at myself for really resembling an immature child rather than a wise parent who trusts God to handle the weather scenario. Through the brief laughing, however, I was indeed reminded that “even the wind and the waves obey Him” (Mark 4:41).

As I lay there allowing the God of all comfort to speak to what felt like ‘stupid’ fear in my soul, I realized that He took me seriously. He didn’t (and won’t ever) look upon this fear as stupid, but rather as something from which He could minister to me, and as something from which I could learn a thing or two from Him. Now this particular lesson may sound a bit strange, but hang in there with me. I found myself thinking that maybe the enemy would delight in destroying me and my family through this storm. Of course he would. And then my sweet Jesus reminded me that the enemy can do nothing without my Lord’s permission. The enemy is absolutely powerless over the Lord and therefore powerless over me because I belong to Jesus. He bought me (and YOU) with His precious blood. The salvation I received from Him long ago not only secures my place with Him for all of eternity, but also secures me in my daily wanderings here on earth. Jesus is not only my ‘heavenly’ salvation; He is my ‘earthly’ salvation as well. He saves me from something every day. Sometimes it is simply Him saving me from myself. Honestly, sometimes I think I can be my greatest enemy! Praise God, He is my ‘daily’ Savior…my Savior in circumstances that would otherwise prove overwhelming and impossible.

This particular storm, like so many other storms in my life, simply revealed my never-ending need for God – not just a need for Him to do His work, but rather a deep need for HIM. I guess I kind of picture a loving parent just sitting beside me, holding my hand, and saying, “Don’t worry; I will stay with you through this storm”. That PRESENCE is enough…especially when I know that the presence with me is indeed God, Himself…the One in complete control…the perfect Lover of my soul and of my family…the One Who gives and takes away, and ALWAYS knows what He is doing and why…the One Who knows how the storm will end and why it must be so. And so, my recent stormy night became the kind of journey that moves me from immature child to wise parent who trusts God…again.

Doing life with you,
Libby

I’m sitting in the recliner-reading…and enjoying this rainy day. It is early in the morning, and I have the fireplace cranked up. It’s supposed to hit sixty degrees today…but not yet! I just need some ‘coziness’ for what feels like a chilled body. Listening to rain pelt against the window panes has always been a pleasure for me, and today is no different. Maybe it’s the steady drumming of the raindrops creating a soothing, almost hypnotic effect over me. All is right in my world-at least in this moment.

My mind drifts to a recent conversation I had with a dear friend. She asked me if I had received results from a pathology report done on an area of growth removed from my neck. I told her ‘not yet’, and that I wasn’t the least bit concerned about it. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it. I said I was convinced it was nothing, but even if it did turn out to be ‘something’, I would be so okay with that. I joked with her that I just wanted to live long enough to be debt-free when I die-don’t want to leave a legacy of debt! (Big laugh…)

Later that day, I began to think more seriously about the potential outcome of that pathology report. What if the results were serious…even life-threatening? Would I really be okay with that? As I continued in this new direction of thought, I found myself admitting to the Lord – “I’m a coward!” Now I really began to question just how I would handle such a truth. Could this be ‘fear’ now creeping in…threatening to bombard me?

Thankfully, I realized that all of these new thoughts were merely that-thoughts. They were not my current truth. My current truth was that I did not know for a fact just what had been taken out of my neck. My current truth was that I had been given this day, this time, this moment that the Lord had made-and I would rejoice and be glad in it. There is no harm in me thinking about ‘possibilities’, but there could be great harm if I turn those ‘possibilities’ into ‘truths’ that don’t actually exist. Doing so tarnishes my point of view and keeps me from thinking clearly and hopefully.

I may not yet know the truth about that place that was removed from my neck, but I know THE Truth-Jesus Christ. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and in control of all things. He both knows and holds my future. I must choose to live in His moments of true truth and not conjure up my own version of truth based on unknowns or wishful thinking. I must allow Him to help me live out the truth of Philippians 4: 4-7… “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (NIV)

Libby