"...body, mind, and spirit are one complete package. When one part suffers, the whole person suffers." "Meet Me at the Well" Virelle Kidder

Please bear in mind I am not a counselor, I'm simply a woman - a wife, mom, daughter, sister, employee, friend - trying to live life guided by God's word, guarded by His Holy Spirit, and surrounded by people He's summoned here for such a time as this!

Did you catch that? "Surrounded by people" - none of us are here on this earth alone. That is the first clue that God did not want us to try to live life "alone". In fact, it was the very reason that after He created man He also created woman. Everything else up to that point was good. Check out Genesis 1, every time He creates it reads "And God saw that it was good". Then we get to Genesis 2, verse 18: "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone'." Not good to be alone? Wow! God created us for relationship!

Our relationships are key components to our emotional health - as well as our emotional unhealthiness!

I don't know where you are in this area of your life, but I do know where I was, and where I am today.

More than a decade ago I was an overwhelmed mom of four, probably living life outwardly looking pretty healthy. But I was shriveling up and dying inside. As I look back thru my journals I recognize the earmarks of depression. At that point I had friends, lots of friends, but what I didn't have was accountability in my friendships. We had fun, but no one was digging deeper to see what was going on underneath the big picture. It wasn't my friends fault! I had not given anyone permission to ask the tough questions, and my personality was, (perhaps at times still is) to make a joke out of something that had the potential to go somewhere I wasn't comfortable going.

That's how I handled it. Someone with a different personality, given the same set of circumstances, would not have made a joke; they would simply have gotten offended and put a wall of silence up between themselves and the person who was digging a little too deep. Another may have responded in anger driving relationships away. Each one of us has coping techniques that we rely on when conversations go where we don't want them to go!

Do you see yourself in any of those scenarios? We are created for relationship and communication, or lack thereof, can make or break a relationship. Healthy relationships, with healthy communication, are a huge part of being healthy emotionally.

God did not create us to be isolated. He created us to be part of a community. No, we don't have to be, in fact we can't be, best friends with everybody. But He created us to be in close relationship with a few key people in our lives. How do I know this? Because He created us in His image and He is a triune God! Think about it - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Trinity is our first example of a healthy, intimate relationship.

He created us - first and foremost - to be in relationship with Himself, but we are walking this earth today with folks that He has placed here too. God's word is full of great wisdom regarding our relationships! It tells us to "encourage one another, build each other up". (1Thessalonians 5:11) That sounds pretty relational to me. It says we are to "speak truth in love", hmmm, hard to do without a relationship in place. (Ephesians 4:5)

I think He probably knew what He was doing, don't you? So how are you living that out? Are you trying to live life alone? Figuring it out by yourself?

Have you allowed someone who loves you enough to speak truth, sometimes hard truth, into your life?

Do you have someone who can ask you "How are you today?" Someone who will not accept "Fine, thanks" as an answer?

Do you have someone that you can be honest and real in front of - even if honest and real is rather ugly?

Do you have someone to cheer you on when the going gets tough?

Do you have someone to laugh with?

Do you have someone who will ask "How's that situation going? Have you done anything to make things right? Are you still offended, angry, avoiding?"

When we don't have a couple of people with whom we can be ourselves typically one of
two things happen; either we will tell everybody our story, laying out our baggage
for ALL to see, (it's what causes people to say  "oh dear, here she comes again")or
we will pack up all that baggage into our hearts, and it will weigh us down - in fact,
it may have the potential to become garbage, toxic garbage - and keep us from being healthy
emotionally. 

I know this is true because I've been there.

But remember, if you want someone to speak real truth into your life the first step is
to ask them to do so - and the next step is to respond graciously the first time they
share their perspective. Another step is to keep meeting, schedule an hour into your
week to meet. Make it a priority! Just as physical exercise is needed to keep your body
fit, the emotional exercise of intentional communication is needed to keep your mind fit!

My pastor says "you're as sick as your secrets".

Why do we keep secrets? Usually because we're afraid of what will happen if people really knew.

I think the evil one knows that. I suspect he keeps us bound up in our fear, and in our pride, 'cause he knows that God's plan is best. If the evil one can keep us from the healthy relationships that lead to emotional healthiness he has won a major battle. We are truly as sick as our secrets. Those secrets fill our hearts and minds with toxic waste. It seeps into every aspect of our lives whether we realize it or not. It steals our joy, kills our relationships, and often robs us of the energy we need to be physically healthy.

We are created in God's image, created for relationship, healthy, Bible-based, God-driven, relationships.

It's what makes the "mind" leg of our 3-legged stool healthy and strong.

For those of you who have not had the opportunity to read Virelle Kidder's book I encourage you to do so! Call your local library and order a copy or head to your favorite Christian book store to purchase it, but whatever you do take time to read it! It is written as a 30 day devotional but if you're like many of us who have already read the book you'll finish it much sooner than that! It is full of real life encouragement.

Until next time.

Beth

Labels: Beth