Coffee – for ME?

“I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE,” I cried to myself.

I shouted to God that He had to help, but could He hear me? Did He care? I purchased the business that was designed specifically for women. My goal was to create and environment that allowed women to feel safe, secure, loved, and appreciated. It was to be my ministry for the women in the community. So why was God allowing it to crumble all around me? I felt like a hamster that was furiously running on the wheel but wasn’t getting anywhere.

I had an amazing team of women working with me. Periodically they would receive words of encouragement from our clients which they passed on to me. New friendships were being built and God’s love was being shared daily. The most amazing thing was the huge blessing I was experiencing. So, what was I doing wrong? Why was I failing financially?

I’ve struggled with the questions and I still don’t know the answer. I was reminded that God doesn’t measure success by dollars and cents, but if this is furthering His kingdom then why didn’t He help a little? I’ve always believed that I was working for the Lord and therefore must give 100% at all times. So, I worked full time during the day, ran my own business at night, went to night classes, and still tried to be the best daughter I possibly could. You may call me crazy or you may be in a similar situation. Physically, I was falling apart. I became ill 6 months ago, and have been on medication for that since then. I couldn’t relax or sleep anymore and was always exhausted.

A friend of mine reminded me that if I continued to tear myself down physically by not taking time for myself, then how could I possibly be giving my best to God? At first I wanted to argue with her. Taking time for myself was being selfish. But, I knew I couldn’t be all things to all people at all times which was what I was trying to do. God commanded us to reach the lost and hurting. He never said to sleep, relax with a cup of coffee, or read a book from cover to cover in 1 day.

But wait..Jesus did. After a long day of healing the sick, casting out demons, and fellowshipping, Jesus and His disciples climbed into a boat where Jesus fell asleep. Many of us remember how the wind and the waves obeyed Jesus, but I found myself focusing on the fact that Jesus was asleep. “And suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea, so that the boat was covered with the waves. But He [Jesus] was asleep”, Matthew 8:24(NKJV).

Jesus had to take time for himself and he was perfect.. So why did I think I was better than God and didn’t need to take time for myself? I have discovered that if I don’t set aside time for myself as God has commanded, “your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own”, then I could be hindering God’s work. Yes, it seems like a crazy idea to me too. If I’m giving of myself all the time at church, work, my business, school and become so exhausted that I become physically ill I may miss an opportunity Christ has for me to bring another soul to Christ.

So, today, as I’m writing, I’m reflecting on the beauty of the day with my cup of coffee. I’ve simplified my life and discovered that relationships can survive even if my business didn’t. Do you find yourself struggling with being over-committed and too exhausted to sleep? I’m still dealing with all the “what ifs” but knowing that you’re not alone makes the journey so much easier.