Okay, I know I'm young, I have plenty of time, and I've only been married 2 years, but.I want a baby. I made the decision a long time ago that my "career" choice was to be a stay-at-home mom, so working the 9-5 while waiting 'til we're financially stable enough for me to quit and stay home is less than satisfying. Add to that the fact that it seems everyone I know is either pregnant, just had a baby, or is chasing around a toddler and I'm even more anxious to start my own family.

So when I attended a banquet for my brother's college graduation from a very small Bible school you can imagine how I felt when I got a glimpse of an old roommate who had just days before announced she was 12 weeks pregnant on Facebook. Oh please, I thought, Please please please don't see me. I don't think I can handle this right now. As I kept my head down and casually shielded my face, it wasn't too long before I heard that familiar voice exclaim, "Emily! It's so good to see you!" And of course my brother would ask where they were sitting, and of course they would love to sit at our table, and of course she would sit down next to me. Seriously, God? Seriously? As much as I want a baby right now, with my husband jobless and even when he finds a job, having a baby may be years away, and You're seriously going to stick a pregnant lady beside me all night? I grimaced and tried to offer the most sincere congratulations I could muster as she shared all the stuff those pregnant women share. Of course there was no morning sickness, no discomfort at all. And of course her boss is arranging it so she can work from home. And oh yeah, did I mention she's lost weight and looks great?

As the evening progressed and I kept throwing God up a "Seriously?" every so often a verse began to interrupt my thoughts. "Rejoice with those who rejoice." Nope, my selfish thoughts argued with God. Nope, no way, no how. I cannot be happy for her, I cannot. And now God You are just being mean. You torture me then You expect me to rejoice?! But as I looked at her, admiring that pregnant glow and her beaming smile, and as God kept running that verse thru my head my heart began to soften, and I no longer wished that she'd have an ugly baby. In fact, I hoped that baby would be a healthy, beautiful baby and that motherhood would be wonderful for her.

We are to share life together, all of it, the hard stuff and the good stuff. The weeping and the rejoicing. No matter how difficult it may be to find joy in someone else's blessings when we feel we could use some of our own, we are to rejoice with one another. I can still praise God for creating life, even if it isn't one growing inside of me. And how could I dare take one iota of joy from that soon to be mother with my own selfishness? My joy for her only adds to her joy!

So yes, God is definitely serious. He is seriously good, seriously gracious, and seriously showing me that what He's got for me is uniquely for me. The fact that He blesses others doesn't make Him any less good to me. He's got His own timing and own plan for me.

And that.is seriously amazing.

Emily

Labels: Emily