I was having lunch the other day with a friend who knows me very well. Several times I caught myself staring over her shoulder, unable to look her in the eye. I had no trouble with eye contact when she was speaking - only when I was answering her questions. As I thought back over our conversation later, I wondered about that. I wasn't trying to be evasive - I answered each question as honestly as I could. Part of my 'eye trouble' was habit, staring into nothingness trying to gather my thoughts, but after the third time I really questioned what my body language was revealing and I wondered, "Am I afraid she'll see through me?"

It's not that I would ever expect judgment from this friend; on the contrary, I have found her to be the safest haven for each of my deep-rooted secrets. But I realized I still have some wall-smashing to do in my life. I've torn down a number of those obstacles already - you know, those barriers we raise to protect ourselves from people who may not be as trustworthy as we'd like.

Don't get me wrong, barriers are good and protection sometimes needed, but walls - walls seemingly made to protect you - can end up doing just the opposite. They'll keep you from forging deeper relationships with the people who matter most to you and can ultimately lead to putting distance between you and God - your most important relationship of all.

I built walls early in my life - brick by brick protecting myself and closing off the outside world. So I've been working at this wall demolition for quite a while now and I've found that they are harder to tear down than to put up! One difficulty is my fear of taking away my familiar protection. It involves a risk of trusting people - which I've never been very good at. The other problem is the likelihood of my tripping and falling over the debris. And then there's the whole cleaning up the mess...

We all have issues. Some of us more than others. But God is in the business of restoration and re-formation. We are all being 'remodeled' so to speak. The whole point of remodeling is to replace the old with new - and that requires some demolition. Removing walls in your life can end up messy, even be a little frightening. It means stepping out in faith and trusting the Master Builder.

So I'm pulling out my sledge hammer again and breaking down some more walls. I'm sure there will be a mess, and yes, its a little scary - but I can't wait to see the results of God's remodel of me!

All for Him,

Missy

Labels: Missy