Confessions of a Peace Lover...
Peace: (according to Webster) 1. freedom from war 2. an agreement to end war 3. law and order 4. harmony; concord 5. serenity or quiet
While I have come to enjoy "serenity or quiet", the first two or three decades of my life "peace" was more about the 1st definition. Freedom from war to me meant freedom from fighting. I think I may have even thought it was a sin to fight or disagree!
I grew up in a very peaceful, peace-loving, home. Honestly, I don't remember ever hearing my parents argue. My mom had a passive personality and my dad's wishes were the rule at our house. Fortunately, he was a God-fearing man who also desired peace, not a dictator who ruled with an iron fist. The problem I see that stems from growing up in a household like that was that I never learned to resolve conflict.
Conflict was something to be avoided - at all costs - and so I became a "peace at any cost" personality. I said yes, even if I wanted to say no. If there was conflict I distanced myself from the relationship (ever heard of the silent treatment? I'm sure that was invented by someone who hated conflict as much as me!). That can work, as long as you never want to get married...or have children...or have friendships that you desire to maintain long term.
Conflict happens. That's life. Usually it's not the conflict that is the issue, it's how the conflict is dealt with - ignoring it only means it will have time to grow before it finds its way back - and it WILL find its way back.
I realize now that conflict is simply part of God's plan to grow us. He gives us little problems in life so that we can learn how to handle life's big problems!
I tell my firstborn that God gave her 4 siblings so that she could have a better mom. As our eldest's "piece of the pie" became smaller the "peace" in our home became smaller too. God forced my hand! Thru parenting He finally got me to see that conflict can't be avoided. But He loved me enough to make sure that I would be surrounded by a caring group of His followers (in my case it was an accountability group) to walk me thru the stormy conflicts I'd been avoiding.
So there...confession time from this former "peace at any cost" personality. It doesn't mean I now enjoy conflict, but it does mean I've learned that true peace often comes as a result of conflict.
Next time I'll tell you about the accountability group that walked me thru my storm.
Until then...
Beth
While I have come to enjoy "serenity or quiet", the first two or three decades of my life "peace" was more about the 1st definition. Freedom from war to me meant freedom from fighting. I think I may have even thought it was a sin to fight or disagree!
I grew up in a very peaceful, peace-loving, home. Honestly, I don't remember ever hearing my parents argue. My mom had a passive personality and my dad's wishes were the rule at our house. Fortunately, he was a God-fearing man who also desired peace, not a dictator who ruled with an iron fist. The problem I see that stems from growing up in a household like that was that I never learned to resolve conflict.
Conflict was something to be avoided - at all costs - and so I became a "peace at any cost" personality. I said yes, even if I wanted to say no. If there was conflict I distanced myself from the relationship (ever heard of the silent treatment? I'm sure that was invented by someone who hated conflict as much as me!). That can work, as long as you never want to get married...or have children...or have friendships that you desire to maintain long term.
Conflict happens. That's life. Usually it's not the conflict that is the issue, it's how the conflict is dealt with - ignoring it only means it will have time to grow before it finds its way back - and it WILL find its way back.
I realize now that conflict is simply part of God's plan to grow us. He gives us little problems in life so that we can learn how to handle life's big problems!
I tell my firstborn that God gave her 4 siblings so that she could have a better mom. As our eldest's "piece of the pie" became smaller the "peace" in our home became smaller too. God forced my hand! Thru parenting He finally got me to see that conflict can't be avoided. But He loved me enough to make sure that I would be surrounded by a caring group of His followers (in my case it was an accountability group) to walk me thru the stormy conflicts I'd been avoiding.
So there...confession time from this former "peace at any cost" personality. It doesn't mean I now enjoy conflict, but it does mean I've learned that true peace often comes as a result of conflict.
Next time I'll tell you about the accountability group that walked me thru my storm.
Until then...
Beth
Labels: Beth
posted by Missy at
12:01 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home